---
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title: "The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith"
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# The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith

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## Description

Rosaria, by the standards of many, was living a very good life. She had a tenured position at a large university in a field for which she cared deeply. She owned two homes with her partner, in which they provided hospitality to students and activists that were looking to make a difference in the world. In the community, Rosaria was involved in volunteer work. At the university, she was a respected advisor of students and her department's curriculum. Then, in her late 30's, Rosaria encountered something that turned her world upside down--the idea that Christianity, a religion she had regarded as problematic and sometimes downright damaging, might be right about who God was. That idea seemed to fly in the face of the people and causes that she most loved. What follows is a story of what she describes as a train wreck at the hand of the supernatural. These are her secret thoughts about those events, written as only a reflective English professor could.

## Technical Specifications

| Specification | Value |
|---------------|-------|
| Dimensions | 7 x 0.5 x 5.5 inches |
| Edition | Unabridged |
| Isbn 10 | 1610458206 |
| Isbn 13 | 978-1610458207 |
| Item Weight | 6.1 ounces |
| Language | English |
| Part Of Series | Secret Thoughts |
| Print Length | 6 pages |
| Publication Date | November 15, 2013 |
| Publisher | christianaudio |

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## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Compelling, intelligent, instructive, edifying - a marvelous story
*by  on Reviewed in the United States March 13, 2013*

Would it be enthusiastic excess to say this book deserves a place next to Augustine's Confessions for its intense spiritual drama, and for its profound theological insight into the experience of conversion to Christ? Maybe a little, but not much. This is a masterful account of God's redeeming grace towards, humanly speaking, the most unlikely of sinners.In her mid-30's, then Rosaria Champagne was a tenured English professor at Syracuse University, a well-known gay activist, a Queer Theory scholar, a radical postmodern leftist, and generally the last person you'd expect to darken the door of a traditional Christian church. In her own words, "Friedrich Nietzche was kinder than I in his assessment that God is dead."The turning upside-down of Butterfield's world began with a letter in 1999 from a local pastor, in which he neither lambasted nor praised her for her recent article criticizing Promise Keepers. Rather, he asked her simple questions about her "historical materialist" worldview that never before had she seriously considered. This pastor and his wife's subsequent hospitality and friendship eventually led to Butterfield's visiting his church, and finally to faith in Jesus Christ. She traces her Christian journey from that beginning to the surprising present, in which she is the wife of a conservative Presbyterian pastor (RPCNA) and a homeschooling mom of four adopted children. Quite a reversal for a woman who once howled and laughed with her lesbian friends at the idiocy of Christian married women and their pathetic lives and concerns (at least, as represented by a certain evangelical magazine)!Butterfield writes at one point that she had read "too many cheesy Christian testimonies, all written in the past tense, all very simple, happy, and filled with more cliches than sugar in grandma's cookies..." I can assure you, this is not one of them! Indeed, her opening line is: "How do I tell you about my conversion to Christianity without making it sound like an alien abduction or a train wreck?" For Butterfield, coming to faith in Christ meant a radical life change. No, "death" is a better word. She died to her lesbian identity, her gay community, her radical activism, and her professional and academic work ("This was my conversion in a nutshell: I lost everything but the dog."). Here she describes how she felt after her public confession of faith at church:I felt like I lived in some liminal invisible place, with no history and no sense of future. I felt like a vampire - possessing no reflection in mirrors. I realize now that this is what it means to be washed clean, to be truly made new again. The past really is gone. The shadow of what was remains, but the substance is truly taken away. (pg. 41)With soul-baring honesty and a humorous touch (she keeps in view the sometimes comic irony of her unlikely conversion), Butterfield describes her frequently agonizing growth in grace as a new Christian in the months and years after her initial conversion. Her story is a realistic account of all that it means to be a follower of Christ in this world - the life-long journey of learning to hate one's sin, to forsake idolatry, to trust at all times in God's wisdom and goodness, to love the church, to lean on God's people, and to learn and grow in faith.And it all began as an intellectual upheaval. Any genuine conversion to Christ involves the intellect, but you will not find a more articulate description of that renewal of the mind the grace of God both demands of, and produces in, those who would be disciples of Christ. Butterfield came to faith in Christ as a scholar and a thinker, a highly trained reader of texts, conversant with the concepts of hermeneutics, worldview, and critical perspective. Thus, she is able to express what it means to think Christianly, to take every thought captive to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). The spirit of Anselm infuses her meditations on the truth and grace of God: "For I do not seek to understand so that I may believe; but I believe so that I may understand. For I believe this also, that 'unless I believe, I shall not understand'" (from Anselm's Proslogion).Every Christian should read this book. At our last session meeting, I recommended my elders to read it, though looking back I fear the overly-feminine book cover may work against my eager endorsement! Fellow Christian men, don't let the dreamy picture on the front scare you. If you're haunted by the fear someone may think you're reading a Christian romance novel, buy the Kindle version. Trust me, gentlemen, there is some serious theology in these pages!Butterfield's thoughts and observations on homosexuality (and sexual sin in general), and on the gay community and lifestyle, are invaluable and ought to be reckoned with by every believer. She puts a human face on a people Christians too often demonize and caricature. Her best insight, I believe, is that homosexuality is not in itself the greatest of all sins, but that it is one particular manifestation of man's pride and rebellion against God in which we all share. The very fact that Butterfield was reached with the gospel, and through the kindness and love shown to her by Christians, stands as a rebuke to us every time we write off homosexuals as somehow outside the possibility of God's grace and worthy only of condemnation.Another reason why Christians will profit from this book is Butterfield's keen observation of the church and evangelical Christianity in general. Her unquestioning commitment to Christ and the church, along with her decade-plus experience as a believer, lends credibility to her sometimes critical scrutiny of the church. And her remembrance of what it is to be outside the Christian world looking in gives uncommon clarity to her observations. She is a thoughtful, independent (in the right sense), and fiercely intelligent commentator. You may not agree with all she says, but there is much to learn.Also, her example as a Christian, and the example of her and husband together, is convicting and inspiring. I was truly humbled as she wrote about the joys and griefs they have shared in caring for and adopting sometimes difficult foster children. How many Christians are willing to go that far in showing the love of Christ to those in need? For all her book smarts, she has a heart for reaching flesh-and-blood people with the love of Christ.But I also hope that many non-Christians will read this book. If you are not a believer I gently challenge you to wrestle with this question: why would someone like Butterfield, who had so much going for her, give it all up to become a Christian? What accounts for such a thoroughgoing transformation? My prayer is that you'll see the answer Butterfield gives: it was a supernatural work of God's power and grace to bring her to faith in Christ, and to compel her to take up his cross and follow him.Butterfield's writing is engaging, warm, and at times poetic - just what you would expect from an English professor! She is a worthy scribe to put into words what must be, at the end of the day, humanly inexpressible: the grace of God as he, in a love as mysterious as it is powerful, called to himself one hopelessly lost sinner, bringing her home to him, to forgiveness, and to eternal life. Butterfield's story is remarkable because through it shines the grace of God.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Beautifully written, honest, and filled with gospel-hope
*by  on Reviewed in the United States May 12, 2015*

I first heard Rosaria Butterfield speak at the ERLC convention this past year on the topic of, The Gospel, Homosexuality, and the future of Marriage. I knew nothing of her, but it was obvious to me that she was different from the other conference contributors. She didn't seem as one that had cut her teeth in the church. Her story, from what little I had pieced together, had me curious. In fact, in full disclosure, I purchased this book due it's provocative nature.Rosaria Butterfield was happily living her life in a lesbian relationship when the Lord grabbed a hold of her heart. What was that like? What were the consequences of such an ordeal? How did her community of friends - some of whom were drag queens, transgendered, homosexual, and otherwise liberal, react and treat her during this process? As Tim Challies said of her conversion, "There are some stories that just need to be told—some testimonies of the Lord’s grace that are so unusual and so encouraging that they will bless everyone who hears them. This is exactly the case with Rosaria Butterfield." Is Tim ever right! I cannot recommend this book highly enough to you.First of all, it's beautifully written. Rosaria was an associate professor at Syracuse University and recently tenured in the English Department. Her particular field of studies were 19th century literature and culture. This may be a small point but it's worth noting, English majors write well, and well written works make for well told stories, and well told stories captivate an audience. This Rosaria does well.Secondly, her conversion from a liberal, lesbian lifestyle is compelling. Rosaria and her partner T owned two homes, were members at a Unitarian Universalist Church where Rosaria coordinated the Welcoming Committee, which is the UUC's gay and lesbian advocacy group. She gave keynote addresses at gay pride parades, and Harvard University invited her to lecture on gay and lesbian studies. As a lesbian activist, she was deeply involved in her gay community. She drafted and lobbied for Syracuse Universitie's first domestic partnership policy, and she proudly identified herself and "out" lesbian. She speaks fondly of her gay community, "the lesbian community was home and home felt safe and secure; the people that I knew the best and cared about were in that community; and the lesbian community was accepting and welcoming..."Rosaria was deeply entrenched in this lifestyle. God pulling her from it was sure to cause waves, not only within her gay community outside of the university, but also from within. She had a couple of communities that were going to want answers. Her heart towards her friends in those communities is beautiful, and greatly challenged me. It's easy, oh to sinfully easy, to see people through their sin and not through their humanity. But Rosaria also struggled with her sense of identity through this process, "a chapter of my life had just closed, but I had no idea at the time how severely I would feel its closure. Once I said these [membership] vows with my lips and held them in my heart, therein truly lay my treason from the gay community. I felt like I lived in some liminal invisible place, with no history and no sense of future."Thirdly, It is both encouraging and convicting. Let me start with the convicting. Rosaria is a sharp woman, and the Spirit uses her English background the write daggers that pierce the soul. Here's a sampling,"Repentance requires that we draw near to Jesus, no matter what. And sometimes we all have to crawl there on our hands and knees. Repentance is an intimate affair. And for many of us, intimacy with anything is a terrifying prospect.""I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin. I think that many of us have a hard time believing the God we believe in, when the going gets tough. And I suspect instead of seeking counsel and direction from those stronger in the Lord, we retreat into our isolation and shame and let the sin wash over us, defeating us again. Or maybe we muscle through on our pride. Do we really believe that the word of God is a double-edge sword, cutting between the spirit and the soul? Or do we use the word of God as a cue card to commandeer only our external behavior?"See what I mean? Convicting! And I could note a dozen other quotes but I'm sure I'd be breaking copy right laws at that point.Finally, it's incredibly encouraging. It's encouraging to see Rosaria act now in the role of mommy through fostering and adoption. I'm not afraid to admit that I got choked up a bit during one of the chapters. It's encouraging to see her exuberance in homeschooling, her children, and their joy for life. It's encouraging to hear her tender and caring heart towards her husband, who is a Pastor in the Presbyterian Church. It's encouraging for numerous reasons, but so it is with the grace and mercy of God. There are new mercies every day and Rosaria's life is a great story of mercy, grace, repentance, redemption and love. Please, do yourself a huge service and read this book.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Poignant and Provocative
*by  on Reviewed in the United States December 13, 2013*

Radical, life-altering conversions to Jesus Christ are a thing of the past; the stuff of legend.Or so they say.Rosaria Champagne Butterfield proves that this is simply not the case. She tells her story in her little book, "The Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert: An English Professor’s Journey Into The Christian Faith."The story of her radical transformation begins with the very first sentence, where she boldly states that in her late 30s, she came out as a lesbian. At the time, she was a tenured professor at the University of New York at Syracuse where she was in the process of writing a book on the “Religious Right.”But what really got her started in her long walk into Christianity was an opinion piece that she wrote to a local newspaper that critiqued the Promise Keepers movement. As Butterfield recalls, most of the responses she received were either blatantly positive or negative. However, there was one that stood out: it was from a local pastor, and it asked her some very penetrating questions: “How did you arrive at your interpretations? How do you know you’re right? Do you believe in God?”She could not get these questions out of her mind. This led to her contacting the pastor, who in turn invited her over for dinner to discuss their differences. She says of her encounters with him and his wife, “Even though obviously these Christians and I were very different, they seemed to know that I wasn’t just a blank slate, that I had values and opinions, too, and they talked with me in a way that didn't make me feel erased.”However, Butterfield was still afraid of going to church. This did not take place for a few months, and then only gradually. But the pastor and his wife never pressured her into it.What is interesting, even surprising, is that her transformation into a Christian was very traumatic: it changed the dynamics of her work and home relationships, leading to her breaking up with her lesbian partner and then taking an extended leave of absence from which she ultimately never returned.The author then is very frank with her readers about her ups and downs after her conversion, including a crisis of faith brought about by a failed engagement. She then tells of her move to teach at a Christian college, her marriage to a pastor in the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America (RPCNA), becoming an adoptive/foster parent, the closing of her husband’s mission work, and then eventually receiving another call.In short, Butterfield leaves nothing out. Nothing is sugarcoated. She makes it plain to her readers that this is not an all-too-typical conversion story (i.e., she was a sinner who was instantaneously transformed got married, and lived happily ever after). Instead, she is refreshingly honest about her trials, which are typical of the Christian life (cf., 1 Peter 1:6-7, 4:13ff).For these reasons, “Secret Thoughts” is a wonderfully poignant read, and an engaging, honest, and elegantly written autobiography. This reviewer can say with a high level of confidence that readers of all kinds will be encouraged and edified by it. I highly recommend it.

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