---
product_id: 486405601
title: "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir"
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---

# Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir

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"Going into his "why," Perry's audiobook is a fascinating listen."- AudioFile This program is read by the author. A MOST ANTICIPATED BOOK BY TIME, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, GOODREADS, USA TODAY, AND MORE! The beloved star of Friends takes us behind the scenes of the hit sitcom and his struggles with addiction in this candid, funny, and revelatory memoir that delivers a powerful message of hope and persistence. “Hi, my name is Matthew, although you may know me by another name. My friends call me Matty. And I should be dead.” So begins the riveting story of acclaimed actor Matthew Perry, taking us along on his journey from childhood ambition to fame to addiction and recovery in the aftermath of a life-threatening health scare. Before the frequent hospital visits and stints in rehab, there was five-year-old Matthew, who traveled from Montreal to Los Angeles, shuffling between his separated parents; fourteen-year-old Matthew, who was a nationally ranked tennis star in Canada; twenty-four-year-old Matthew, who nabbed a coveted role as a lead cast member on the talked-about pilot then called Friends Like Us . . . and so much more. In an extraordinary story that only he could tell—and in the heartfelt, hilarious, and warmly familiar way only he could tell it—Matthew Perry lays bare the fractured family that raised him (and also left him to his own devices), the desire for recognition that drove him to fame, and the void inside him that could not be filled even by his greatest dreams coming true. But he also details the peace he’s found in sobriety and how he feels about the ubiquity of Friends , sharing stories about his castmates and other stars he met along the way. Frank, self-aware, and with his trademark humor, Perry vividly depicts his lifelong battle with addiction and what fueled it despite seemingly having it all. Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is an unforgettable memoir that is both intimate and eye-opening—as well as a hand extended to anyone struggling with sobriety. Unflinchingly honest, moving, and uproariously funny, this is the audiobook fans have been waiting for. A Macmillan Audio production from Flatiron Books.

Review: "... as I drove, I realized that I was leaning toward the windshield... I wanted to be tgere." - There are some books you want to look through the reviews before you decide if you want to pick it up or not, then there are others you just want to read for yourself. Matthew's book was one that I wanted to read for myself. Though in looking through the reviews now that I have finished it, I realize either someone loves it or does not, there is no in-between it seems. Before I write any more of my review - I want to point out that I am 99.9% certain I read a Kindle version that was edited to remove whatever there was about Keanu. So if someone is reading my review wondering why I don't mention it, I cannot comment on what I did not read. --- One more observation, from the reviews I did look through, it seems that most people who *listened* to the book disliked it more than those who *read* it. Seems listening to it make it more difficult to follow the already jumping timeline. Again, just my observation. From the beginning Matthew tells us how this story is going to be written/told. How? you ask? "Groundhog Day" is his favorite movie, do I really need to say anything more? If you do not understand this reference, please take the time (1 hour and 40 minutes) to watch the 1993 classic movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Then perhaps more things will make sense for you. Thankfully I have never been an alcoholic or an addict, however, I have known several in my life. For them every day is groundhog day. Every morning the question of, "How will I get through today without a drink/pill/smoke/etc." makes every 24 hours the same. Matthew shows that in spades with his repetition throughout his story. Many of the reviews I saw complained about the repetition; if they don't understand it, perhaps they should count themselves lucky not to. To have never known someone who lives every day like this; or to not be that person themselves. Matthew's story didn't end all sunshine-and-rainbows with a happily every after. Not everyone's does. I appreciated the fact that he kept it real. That he kept it honest. That he shows his faults to us just as much as he shows us the goodness. Life isn't always polished and pretty no matter who you are or how much money you have. Matthew proves that. No matter how bad things seemed to be for him, Matthew always looked to his future, he always wanted to be there. Perhaps not always for the right reasons, but reasons that kept him moving forward nonetheless. There is something to be admired about that. Interestingly, one of my favorite lines reads, "God looked down on me, just waiting it out. He's got all the time in the world. F*<k, he invented time." There is something raw and honest and scary and funny in those words that just made me stop reading and literally highlight it in my Kindle book. Follow that with another line I highlighted that reads, "It was an amazing moment and a terrible moment all at at the same time." Talk about defining life most days. Perhaps not Pulitzer winning writing, but powerful and truthful just the same. I have to say my all-time favorite sentence is this one - "God is everywhere - you just have to clear your channel, or you'll miss it." Doesn't matter what version of God you believe in, that sentence has a profound truth to it. (That one got highlighted in pink) Not something I would have expected from Matthew. But I am grateful he wrote it. I am easily giving this book all five stars for it's raw honesty, it's openness, it's imperfectness. Just like Matthew. Yes, I finally read his story after his sudden death on October 28, 2023. As I'm writing this on November 24, 2023, his cause of death still has not been determined nor released. Which makes one last sentence stand out for me in a premonition kind of way as I wonder what COD will turn out to be... Matthew himself wrote, "I could have a cigarette right now, have a heart attack, and if no one was around to call 911, I was a goner." Well, he was home alone, and he did try to call 911 himself, but he was unable to save himself this time. Oh, Matthew. I wonder if you have finally found peace and all the deep, full Love you have always desired. Thank You for leaving a light on for us with your story. I pray it helps more people so that you may continue helping people even after you've gone on ahead of us in death.
Review: Thank You For Your GREAT ART Matthew Perry!!! - Matthew Perry, your book changed my life. It also reaffirmed and reinforced my love for the most amazing journey of recovery that I, myself, have been on for the last fifteen years. I think you are such a beautiful and brilliant, brilliant soulful soul. I felt compelled to check out your book (and story) after I saw, again, another article about the doctors who sold you your ketamine. That afternoon, I recorded a journal entry about what I thought about your final days... Your book was full of incredible emotional nuggets!!! I especially loved how you said that you'd trade places, anytime, with any of the other characters in one particular part of your journey. That was so powerful to me. But, I wonder, now -- with the magical essence of YOU floating around and affecting so many lovely people here, if you feel the same way? In whatever realm you exist in. I think that your journey was perfectly designed for YOU and that even that particular passage you wrote on that page that I highlighted... had you had switched places or thought that thought, I and WE never would have read those words on that page... In short, I found every passage and every shared moment in your book to be part of an incredible three days spent reading all about your very, very rare and incredible quest. I think you are such a lucky and blessed human being to be able to go through all of those great arcs - those "peaks and valleys" a friend of mine calls them... ... such that you would end up in your quiet pool... in, who cares, whatever state you were in at that point. It was a COSMIC CONVERGENCE of a moment for you. When all of the great spirits and gods watching over you were there to CELEBRATE YOU!!! This is, on my own wonderful journey, what I believe happens the moment that you transcend. Like this great darkness falls upon us and a curtain opens in several ways... and all around YOU come all of these amazing figures who have been watching and following your story to welcome you. I hope that the movie they played on the big screen for everyone who showed up that night for you was everything you thought it would be - I mean, how could it not be with your life. I LOVED your book so much!!! Thank you for sharing your life with us Matthew Perry. ❤️❤️❤️💫 -Eriq

## Images

![Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81EztwiRgYL.jpg)

## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "... as I drove, I realized that I was leaning toward the windshield... I wanted to be tgere."
*by C***8 on November 25, 2023*

There are some books you want to look through the reviews before you decide if you want to pick it up or not, then there are others you just want to read for yourself. Matthew's book was one that I wanted to read for myself. Though in looking through the reviews now that I have finished it, I realize either someone loves it or does not, there is no in-between it seems. Before I write any more of my review - I want to point out that I am 99.9% certain I read a Kindle version that was edited to remove whatever there was about Keanu. So if someone is reading my review wondering why I don't mention it, I cannot comment on what I did not read. --- One more observation, from the reviews I did look through, it seems that most people who *listened* to the book disliked it more than those who *read* it. Seems listening to it make it more difficult to follow the already jumping timeline. Again, just my observation. From the beginning Matthew tells us how this story is going to be written/told. How? you ask? "Groundhog Day" is his favorite movie, do I really need to say anything more? If you do not understand this reference, please take the time (1 hour and 40 minutes) to watch the 1993 classic movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Then perhaps more things will make sense for you. Thankfully I have never been an alcoholic or an addict, however, I have known several in my life. For them every day is groundhog day. Every morning the question of, "How will I get through today without a drink/pill/smoke/etc." makes every 24 hours the same. Matthew shows that in spades with his repetition throughout his story. Many of the reviews I saw complained about the repetition; if they don't understand it, perhaps they should count themselves lucky not to. To have never known someone who lives every day like this; or to not be that person themselves. Matthew's story didn't end all sunshine-and-rainbows with a happily every after. Not everyone's does. I appreciated the fact that he kept it real. That he kept it honest. That he shows his faults to us just as much as he shows us the goodness. Life isn't always polished and pretty no matter who you are or how much money you have. Matthew proves that. No matter how bad things seemed to be for him, Matthew always looked to his future, he always wanted to be there. Perhaps not always for the right reasons, but reasons that kept him moving forward nonetheless. There is something to be admired about that. Interestingly, one of my favorite lines reads, "God looked down on me, just waiting it out. He's got all the time in the world. F*<k, he invented time." There is something raw and honest and scary and funny in those words that just made me stop reading and literally highlight it in my Kindle book. Follow that with another line I highlighted that reads, "It was an amazing moment and a terrible moment all at at the same time." Talk about defining life most days. Perhaps not Pulitzer winning writing, but powerful and truthful just the same. I have to say my all-time favorite sentence is this one - "God is everywhere - you just have to clear your channel, or you'll miss it." Doesn't matter what version of God you believe in, that sentence has a profound truth to it. (That one got highlighted in pink) Not something I would have expected from Matthew. But I am grateful he wrote it. I am easily giving this book all five stars for it's raw honesty, it's openness, it's imperfectness. Just like Matthew. Yes, I finally read his story after his sudden death on October 28, 2023. As I'm writing this on November 24, 2023, his cause of death still has not been determined nor released. Which makes one last sentence stand out for me in a premonition kind of way as I wonder what COD will turn out to be... Matthew himself wrote, "I could have a cigarette right now, have a heart attack, and if no one was around to call 911, I was a goner." Well, he was home alone, and he did try to call 911 himself, but he was unable to save himself this time. Oh, Matthew. I wonder if you have finally found peace and all the deep, full Love you have always desired. Thank You for leaving a light on for us with your story. I pray it helps more people so that you may continue helping people even after you've gone on ahead of us in death.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Thank You For Your GREAT ART Matthew Perry!!!
*by E***G on August 17, 2025*

Matthew Perry, your book changed my life. It also reaffirmed and reinforced my love for the most amazing journey of recovery that I, myself, have been on for the last fifteen years. I think you are such a beautiful and brilliant, brilliant soulful soul. I felt compelled to check out your book (and story) after I saw, again, another article about the doctors who sold you your ketamine. That afternoon, I recorded a journal entry about what I thought about your final days... Your book was full of incredible emotional nuggets!!! I especially loved how you said that you'd trade places, anytime, with any of the other characters in one particular part of your journey. That was so powerful to me. But, I wonder, now -- with the magical essence of YOU floating around and affecting so many lovely people here, if you feel the same way? In whatever realm you exist in. I think that your journey was perfectly designed for YOU and that even that particular passage you wrote on that page that I highlighted... had you had switched places or thought that thought, I and WE never would have read those words on that page... In short, I found every passage and every shared moment in your book to be part of an incredible three days spent reading all about your very, very rare and incredible quest. I think you are such a lucky and blessed human being to be able to go through all of those great arcs - those "peaks and valleys" a friend of mine calls them... ... such that you would end up in your quiet pool... in, who cares, whatever state you were in at that point. It was a COSMIC CONVERGENCE of a moment for you. When all of the great spirits and gods watching over you were there to CELEBRATE YOU!!! This is, on my own wonderful journey, what I believe happens the moment that you transcend. Like this great darkness falls upon us and a curtain opens in several ways... and all around YOU come all of these amazing figures who have been watching and following your story to welcome you. I hope that the movie they played on the big screen for everyone who showed up that night for you was everything you thought it would be - I mean, how could it not be with your life. I LOVED your book so much!!! Thank you for sharing your life with us Matthew Perry. ❤️❤️❤️💫 -Eriq

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Hard to Follow Sometimes, But…
*by H***D on February 1, 2023*

I will start with dislikes first. It is hard to follow sometimes. The structure is a little weird, the timeline bounces around, and there are so many detoxes and rehabs that it’s difficult to keep them straight. I also found myself starting to roll my eyes at an insanely rich, and famous guy who has money, upon money to burn, and throw at pills, and fancy rehabs. I think it’s easy to assume that if he didn’t have all his money he wouldn’t have been able to maintain his addiction, and would no longer be with us. However (comma) this brings me to the likes bit of this review, or more accurately the intermission. I always notice that when a famous person struggles with addiction and/or commits suicide because they are depressed, there’s always someone who says, money doesn’t bring happiness. Like it’s an opportunity to teach that lesson, and/or puts the message out there that happiness making money was what this person was after, completely missing the fact that depression and addiction are diseases. Unfortunately, people commit suicide everyday because of depression, or go to their first AA meeting, it just the famous we hear about. Now back to the review. Matthew Perry admits in his book that in his youth he wanted fame, hoping it would fill holes in his life, or holes he perceived in his life. His upbringing was nice yes, he was loved yes, however, it was the feeling of abandonment that he struggled so much with. His father leaving, his mother working so much, his parents remarrying and having families that he didn’t feel completely apart of all laid the foundation for how he viewed himself. Which is why he struggled with commitment, that led to him leaving relationships before he got left which is what he assumed would happen every time. I like that he tells his story with the perspective that he had at the time. Does it always sound good? No. Does it always make Matthew Perry seem like a great person? No. But most of time it was the fear talking, the immaturity talking, and he grows, eventually, as you read the story. He ends the book in a better place looking forward to the future. I highlighted a line toward the end that is a lesson we all can, and need to learn, addiction or not, “I am me. And that should be enough, it always has been enough. I was the one who didn’t get that. And now I do.” This book is a raw, no holding back, this is how it was warts and all, account of the Matthew Perry story told by Matthew Perry. It’s full of facts but also opinions, and perspectives that should not be taken as fact. Not everyone will like this book, and that’s true with anything. Not everyone will “see” the story Matthew Perry was trying to tell, and that also happens with other things as well. In short, I enjoyed this book. I appreciated Matthew Perry’s honesty, and his love for Chandler Bing, who will always be my favorite.

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*Last updated: 2026-09-11*