Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace

I just finished reading this book on Kindle, and I have to say that this book is worth every penny... and then some. I have been suffering with RJ for nearly 1 year. I tried to self heal and nothing seemed to work. Then I found the author, Zachary, online and started to follow his directions and found hope. He is honest, well spoken and an RJ survivor, so he knows what he's talking about. When he suggested this book, I purchased it immediately. I noticed a change quickly... even before reading it half way through and found my RJ fading fast. If you are suffering from RJ, do yourself and your partner a favor and get this book NOW! I guarantee, you won't be disappointed. I will be reading it again, it's just that good.

I was fine for many years, with a slight flare-up of Retroactive Jealousy now and then. Recently I was reflecting, and out of nowhere, Retroactive Jealousy struck me. I got the Kindle book and read it in two hours. There is nothing new or cutting-edge in the book. Still, Zachary Stockill does an excellent job of piecing together a variety of theories, information, and examples that will help you overcome Retroactive Jealousy. I read the book, immediately implemented some of his ideas, and saw some results. What I like about the book, it gives me an understanding of some of the issues, the causes, and solutions. For example, I dealt with Retroactive Jealousy regularly while I lived in the same town as my wife’s ex-boyfriend, and when we moved, there was a significant improvement. Zach’s discussion of triggers provided some excellent insight into why this was the case, and I could look back and see what the actual triggers were. Plus, now I can avoid triggers. Although the example of the field and clouds seems simple, I have used this as a reminder to move on and not entertain the thoughts of your partner and her past partners. It is all about controlling your thoughts and emotions and not going down the rabbit hole that will destroy you and your relationship. It is not the curse but the power you give the curse that influences your life. I told my wife I was reading the book, and she was quite pleased. I shared some of what I was doing with her, and now she can hold me accountable. If you are experiencing Retroactive Jealousy, take the time and do the work Zach suggests. I am currently working on the letters he offers writing. This is very therapeutic. On a side note, forgiveness was my key over the years.

I was skeptical of both the subject matter and the book itself, but purchased it anyway out of desperation. My angst was just getting to be too much and I knew I had to do something (and if you've tried getting into therapy post-COVID, you know what an effort in futility that is). This book was a game changer for me. The frankness, the relatable anecdotes...it really was a "OMG, other people are like me? Dear god I'm so sorry" kind of moment for me. I did the exercises. I wrote the letters. I got to the last chapter and wasn't ready, so I walked away for a bit. And then I came back to it and realized...it had all worked. I'm not cured, but dammit if I'm not better. Acknowledge your pain, accept that the work needs to be done, and read the damn book. You won't be sorry.

Read several times. Use what works for you. Be patient and vigilant with the challenges. Be kind to yourself. Love and adore your partner. The alternative is possibly starting over and ending up in the same situation you wish to run away from. 8 months in and I'm still struggling, but having small wins. Treasure the the small wins. Meditate, be grateful and love your partner with all your heart. There will never be one like her/he.

Just amazing. I had been struggling for years with retroactive jealousy, and I wasn't even aware of what it was called. Finding Zachary's website was a godsend, and deciding to purchase his book was one of the best decisions I made. It's short, to the point, and extremely easy to read and comprehend. The exercises in the book work well to get to the root of the problem, and outline just exactly what needs to be done to overcome this condition. It hasn't even been a month since I purchased the book, and it has already been an immense help. I'm finally sleeping better, I'm eating better and exercising, and I haven't had any anxiety associated with thoughts of my partners past in what feels like a good, long while. The thoughts still pop up, as I am still only a month in my journey to overcome retroactive jealousy, but they don't affect me nearly as much as they did in the past 4 years of my current relationship. If you, or someone else you know and care about, is suffering from retroactive jealousy, buy this book. Seriously, it's the best 10 dollars I've ever spent. I highly recommend it on Kindle, as sometimes its helpful to review parts of the book and so it's great to have it on my phone. Also, if you ever see this Zachary, I truly can't find the words that can express my gratitude. Thank you just doesn't feel like enough.

Although I thought this was a good read because of the specialized subject matter, to me, the most valuable part of the book was the examples of RJ the author quoted from others. I was immediately able to relate to those feelings. I think the problems I had with the book were that the exercises were either just common sense “If she still wanted him, she’d be with him, remember that.” or too “meditate…it helps”. I was expecting some deeper insight, but then again, the author noted he’s not a psychiatrist and therapy should still be a utilized resource if needed, so that was good. The other issue I had was that it’s a bit too generalized when I think RJ is probably pretty nuanced. In the author’s defense, you can’t address everyone’s specific situation in one book, but for example, in my case, my RJ was situational. I’d never experienced it in previous relationships, AND even in this relationship, the jealousy was around 1 ex, not ALL of her ex’s…and even with that 1 ex, it took years for my jealousy to kick in. What sparked it, was my partners inability to stop telling stories that revolved around things she’d done with him, places they’d gone, things he’d bought for her, etc. That and the fact that she remained in touch with him, even when he was actively trying to sabotage our relationship (trying to get her to come see him, telling her I could never give her what she’s accustomed to like he could, etc). She didn’t engage with that, but just the fact that she enabled his behavior by never completely cutting the communication off, ended up causing a lot of trouble in our relationship, and kicked my RJ into overdrive. I was hoping to find some help dealing with that, but this book fell a little short on that front for me. I think my review can be summarized by me reading (in BOLD FACE) “move away from the idea that your partner’s lovers left some sort of indelible impression on your parter – they didn’t”, and thinking “That CLEARLY is not the case with my partner…so how do I deal with THAT?”

As my headline suggests, I found this book short but sweet. It took me three days to go through it - a total of three to four hours of non-stop reading. I enjoyed the simplicity of its layout in two parts: the problem and the solution. The disclaimer in the beginning that the author includes is important: he is not a trained psychotherapist - but experience has a voice and strength of its own, and his personal experience with this topic gives this short book authenticity and relevance. I've always believed that a lot of our emotional and physical struggles are symptoms of much larger issues. Retroactive jealousy is one manifestation of deeply embedded insecurity. I have always felt confident about myself - my looks, my smarts, my brains. But I've never really felt emotionally secure. This book is just another witness to the idea that instead of focusing so much on the symptoms and how to treat them, it is good to take several steps back and see what we can do to improve the major areas of our lives and to find balance in our physical, spiritual, emotional and mental well-being. When we do this, the symptoms take care of themselves. I enjoyed the practical exercises and look forward to seeing their results. This book doesn't promise immediate results. That's why I like it.

I admit I was hesitant to purchase this book, but only because I have been afraid of really delving deep into everything that has burdened my mind and heart for so long. But after reading the reviews, I knew it was what I needed. I am a long time sufferer of RJ. I've been with my husband for 25 years. He was my first relationship, but because he was older than me, he came with quite a bit of past relationship baggage. It was very hard for me in the early days, and I let it eat away at me and feed my insecurities. I thought I had put most of it behind me except for the occasional trigger. Then a previous girlfriend of his came up on my people you may know on Facebook and it sent me into a month's long spiral that I couldn't get out of. It brought everything back to the surface. I hated the way I felt and needed to free myself. So I bought the book. I read it immediately and did all of the exercises. It was a Rollercoaster. At first I was feeling great, then I got to the letter writing exercise. I didn't hold anything back. I was brutally honest and let everything out. 25 years of pent up anger and sadness. By the time I was finished I had an aching hand and felt emotionally drained. But the next day I felt lighter and like a heavy weight had been lifted. I know there will always be triggers but I know they are my responsibility alone and I hope I am better able to react to them and manage my thoughts. I definitely recommend this book to anyone feeling lost and mired in their RJ.

Ottimo libro per chiunque soffra di gelosia retroattiva. È scritto in un inglese chiaro e semplice da leggere. Fa riflettere sulla propria situazione a fondo, incredibilmente utile e pratico. Assolutamente consigliato, anche a chi come me in un primo momento titubava nell’acquisto.

As a suffer from Retroactive Jealousy and not knowing at first what it was I found this book and the authors website just by doing a simple google search. My partner and I quickly identified what I was suffering from and I was opened to any help. This book is very informative and I related to everything the author was writing about. It opened up my eyes to who I was and where I needed to be. I would highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with retroactive jealousy.

I have found this book to be extremely helpful. I came across it whilst googling the nature of the issues I was encountering. I came across the usual forums which essentially contained messages such as "just get over it" or " just let it go". Could work that out for myself and am fully aware that It is imperative that I do deal with this. I was struggling with how to do so. I didn't want to talk to friends about it for fear of being simply told the same thing, The book very much helped to address that because it's run by someone who clearly understands the problem in detail.The book is very well written and thoughtfully structured. The author is firm in his advice throughout but also very empathetic. It contains a number of helpful strategies for dealing with retroactive jealousy and helps put the whole thing into perspective. Another key thing I also gained from the book was the knowledge that I am not alone in trying to deal with retroactive jealousy. I'm not saying that this is magic cure but it does give you the means to deal with the issues. Overall excellent and highly recommended if you are encountering these feelings yourself.

Beautiful book.. really makes you think and rethink quite a lot of things in life. Informative and healing with a healthier perspective on life... especially topics such as looking at the condition in a positive manner and using it for personal growth.

This book is a godsend. It still depends on the individual to make it work but I am so grateful that it was written and l am no longer alone! Heather