The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith

Would it be enthusiastic excess to say this book deserves a place next to Augustine's Confessions for its intense spiritual drama, and for its profound theological insight into the experience of conversion to Christ? Maybe a little, but not much. This is a masterful account of God's redeeming grace towards, humanly speaking, the most unlikely of sinners.In her mid-30's, then Rosaria Champagne was a tenured English professor at Syracuse University, a well-known gay activist, a Queer Theory scholar, a radical postmodern leftist, and generally the last person you'd expect to darken the door of a traditional Christian church. In her own words, "Friedrich Nietzche was kinder than I in his assessment that God is dead."The turning upside-down of Butterfield's world began with a letter in 1999 from a local pastor, in which he neither lambasted nor praised her for her recent article criticizing Promise Keepers. Rather, he asked her simple questions about her "historical materialist" worldview that never before had she seriously considered. This pastor and his wife's subsequent hospitality and friendship eventually led to Butterfield's visiting his church, and finally to faith in Jesus Christ. She traces her Christian journey from that beginning to the surprising present, in which she is the wife of a conservative Presbyterian pastor (RPCNA) and a homeschooling mom of four adopted children. Quite a reversal for a woman who once howled and laughed with her lesbian friends at the idiocy of Christian married women and their pathetic lives and concerns (at least, as represented by a certain evangelical magazine)!Butterfield writes at one point that she had read "too many cheesy Christian testimonies, all written in the past tense, all very simple, happy, and filled with more cliches than sugar in grandma's cookies..." I can assure you, this is not one of them! Indeed, her opening line is: "How do I tell you about my conversion to Christianity without making it sound like an alien abduction or a train wreck?" For Butterfield, coming to faith in Christ meant a radical life change. No, "death" is a better word. She died to her lesbian identity, her gay community, her radical activism, and her professional and academic work ("This was my conversion in a nutshell: I lost everything but the dog."). Here she describes how she felt after her public confession of faith at church:I felt like I lived in some liminal invisible place, with no history and no sense of future. I felt like a vampire - possessing no reflection in mirrors. I realize now that this is what it means to be washed clean, to be truly made new again. The past really is gone. The shadow of what was remains, but the substance is truly taken away. (pg. 41)With soul-baring honesty and a humorous touch (she keeps in view the sometimes comic irony of her unlikely conversion), Butterfield describes her frequently agonizing growth in grace as a new Christian in the months and years after her initial conversion. Her story is a realistic account of all that it means to be a follower of Christ in this world - the life-long journey of learning to hate one's sin, to forsake idolatry, to trust at all times in God's wisdom and goodness, to love the church, to lean on God's people, and to learn and grow in faith.And it all began as an intellectual upheaval. Any genuine conversion to Christ involves the intellect, but you will not find a more articulate description of that renewal of the mind the grace of God both demands of, and produces in, those who would be disciples of Christ. Butterfield came to faith in Christ as a scholar and a thinker, a highly trained reader of texts, conversant with the concepts of hermeneutics, worldview, and critical perspective. Thus, she is able to express what it means to think Christianly, to take every thought captive to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). The spirit of Anselm infuses her meditations on the truth and grace of God: "For I do not seek to understand so that I may believe; but I believe so that I may understand. For I believe this also, that 'unless I believe, I shall not understand'" (from Anselm's Proslogion).Every Christian should read this book. At our last session meeting, I recommended my elders to read it, though looking back I fear the overly-feminine book cover may work against my eager endorsement! Fellow Christian men, don't let the dreamy picture on the front scare you. If you're haunted by the fear someone may think you're reading a Christian romance novel, buy the Kindle version. Trust me, gentlemen, there is some serious theology in these pages!Butterfield's thoughts and observations on homosexuality (and sexual sin in general), and on the gay community and lifestyle, are invaluable and ought to be reckoned with by every believer. She puts a human face on a people Christians too often demonize and caricature. Her best insight, I believe, is that homosexuality is not in itself the greatest of all sins, but that it is one particular manifestation of man's pride and rebellion against God in which we all share. The very fact that Butterfield was reached with the gospel, and through the kindness and love shown to her by Christians, stands as a rebuke to us every time we write off homosexuals as somehow outside the possibility of God's grace and worthy only of condemnation.Another reason why Christians will profit from this book is Butterfield's keen observation of the church and evangelical Christianity in general. Her unquestioning commitment to Christ and the church, along with her decade-plus experience as a believer, lends credibility to her sometimes critical scrutiny of the church. And her remembrance of what it is to be outside the Christian world looking in gives uncommon clarity to her observations. She is a thoughtful, independent (in the right sense), and fiercely intelligent commentator. You may not agree with all she says, but there is much to learn.Also, her example as a Christian, and the example of her and husband together, is convicting and inspiring. I was truly humbled as she wrote about the joys and griefs they have shared in caring for and adopting sometimes difficult foster children. How many Christians are willing to go that far in showing the love of Christ to those in need? For all her book smarts, she has a heart for reaching flesh-and-blood people with the love of Christ.But I also hope that many non-Christians will read this book. If you are not a believer I gently challenge you to wrestle with this question: why would someone like Butterfield, who had so much going for her, give it all up to become a Christian? What accounts for such a thoroughgoing transformation? My prayer is that you'll see the answer Butterfield gives: it was a supernatural work of God's power and grace to bring her to faith in Christ, and to compel her to take up his cross and follow him.Butterfield's writing is engaging, warm, and at times poetic - just what you would expect from an English professor! She is a worthy scribe to put into words what must be, at the end of the day, humanly inexpressible: the grace of God as he, in a love as mysterious as it is powerful, called to himself one hopelessly lost sinner, bringing her home to him, to forgiveness, and to eternal life. Butterfield's story is remarkable because through it shines the grace of God.

I first heard Rosaria Butterfield speak at the ERLC convention this past year on the topic of, The Gospel, Homosexuality, and the future of Marriage. I knew nothing of her, but it was obvious to me that she was different from the other conference contributors. She didn't seem as one that had cut her teeth in the church. Her story, from what little I had pieced together, had me curious. In fact, in full disclosure, I purchased this book due it's provocative nature.Rosaria Butterfield was happily living her life in a lesbian relationship when the Lord grabbed a hold of her heart. What was that like? What were the consequences of such an ordeal? How did her community of friends - some of whom were drag queens, transgendered, homosexual, and otherwise liberal, react and treat her during this process? As Tim Challies said of her conversion, "There are some stories that just need to be told—some testimonies of the Lord’s grace that are so unusual and so encouraging that they will bless everyone who hears them. This is exactly the case with Rosaria Butterfield." Is Tim ever right! I cannot recommend this book highly enough to you.First of all, it's beautifully written. Rosaria was an associate professor at Syracuse University and recently tenured in the English Department. Her particular field of studies were 19th century literature and culture. This may be a small point but it's worth noting, English majors write well, and well written works make for well told stories, and well told stories captivate an audience. This Rosaria does well.Secondly, her conversion from a liberal, lesbian lifestyle is compelling. Rosaria and her partner T owned two homes, were members at a Unitarian Universalist Church where Rosaria coordinated the Welcoming Committee, which is the UUC's gay and lesbian advocacy group. She gave keynote addresses at gay pride parades, and Harvard University invited her to lecture on gay and lesbian studies. As a lesbian activist, she was deeply involved in her gay community. She drafted and lobbied for Syracuse Universitie's first domestic partnership policy, and she proudly identified herself and "out" lesbian. She speaks fondly of her gay community, "the lesbian community was home and home felt safe and secure; the people that I knew the best and cared about were in that community; and the lesbian community was accepting and welcoming..."Rosaria was deeply entrenched in this lifestyle. God pulling her from it was sure to cause waves, not only within her gay community outside of the university, but also from within. She had a couple of communities that were going to want answers. Her heart towards her friends in those communities is beautiful, and greatly challenged me. It's easy, oh to sinfully easy, to see people through their sin and not through their humanity. But Rosaria also struggled with her sense of identity through this process, "a chapter of my life had just closed, but I had no idea at the time how severely I would feel its closure. Once I said these [membership] vows with my lips and held them in my heart, therein truly lay my treason from the gay community. I felt like I lived in some liminal invisible place, with no history and no sense of future."Thirdly, It is both encouraging and convicting. Let me start with the convicting. Rosaria is a sharp woman, and the Spirit uses her English background the write daggers that pierce the soul. Here's a sampling,"Repentance requires that we draw near to Jesus, no matter what. And sometimes we all have to crawl there on our hands and knees. Repentance is an intimate affair. And for many of us, intimacy with anything is a terrifying prospect.""I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin. I think that many of us have a hard time believing the God we believe in, when the going gets tough. And I suspect instead of seeking counsel and direction from those stronger in the Lord, we retreat into our isolation and shame and let the sin wash over us, defeating us again. Or maybe we muscle through on our pride. Do we really believe that the word of God is a double-edge sword, cutting between the spirit and the soul? Or do we use the word of God as a cue card to commandeer only our external behavior?"See what I mean? Convicting! And I could note a dozen other quotes but I'm sure I'd be breaking copy right laws at that point.Finally, it's incredibly encouraging. It's encouraging to see Rosaria act now in the role of mommy through fostering and adoption. I'm not afraid to admit that I got choked up a bit during one of the chapters. It's encouraging to see her exuberance in homeschooling, her children, and their joy for life. It's encouraging to hear her tender and caring heart towards her husband, who is a Pastor in the Presbyterian Church. It's encouraging for numerous reasons, but so it is with the grace and mercy of God. There are new mercies every day and Rosaria's life is a great story of mercy, grace, repentance, redemption and love. Please, do yourself a huge service and read this book.

Radical, life-altering conversions to Jesus Christ are a thing of the past; the stuff of legend.Or so they say.Rosaria Champagne Butterfield proves that this is simply not the case. She tells her story in her little book, "The Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert: An English Professor’s Journey Into The Christian Faith."The story of her radical transformation begins with the very first sentence, where she boldly states that in her late 30s, she came out as a lesbian. At the time, she was a tenured professor at the University of New York at Syracuse where she was in the process of writing a book on the “Religious Right.”But what really got her started in her long walk into Christianity was an opinion piece that she wrote to a local newspaper that critiqued the Promise Keepers movement. As Butterfield recalls, most of the responses she received were either blatantly positive or negative. However, there was one that stood out: it was from a local pastor, and it asked her some very penetrating questions: “How did you arrive at your interpretations? How do you know you’re right? Do you believe in God?”She could not get these questions out of her mind. This led to her contacting the pastor, who in turn invited her over for dinner to discuss their differences. She says of her encounters with him and his wife, “Even though obviously these Christians and I were very different, they seemed to know that I wasn’t just a blank slate, that I had values and opinions, too, and they talked with me in a way that didn't make me feel erased.”However, Butterfield was still afraid of going to church. This did not take place for a few months, and then only gradually. But the pastor and his wife never pressured her into it.What is interesting, even surprising, is that her transformation into a Christian was very traumatic: it changed the dynamics of her work and home relationships, leading to her breaking up with her lesbian partner and then taking an extended leave of absence from which she ultimately never returned.The author then is very frank with her readers about her ups and downs after her conversion, including a crisis of faith brought about by a failed engagement. She then tells of her move to teach at a Christian college, her marriage to a pastor in the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America (RPCNA), becoming an adoptive/foster parent, the closing of her husband’s mission work, and then eventually receiving another call.In short, Butterfield leaves nothing out. Nothing is sugarcoated. She makes it plain to her readers that this is not an all-too-typical conversion story (i.e., she was a sinner who was instantaneously transformed got married, and lived happily ever after). Instead, she is refreshingly honest about her trials, which are typical of the Christian life (cf., 1 Peter 1:6-7, 4:13ff).For these reasons, “Secret Thoughts” is a wonderfully poignant read, and an engaging, honest, and elegantly written autobiography. This reviewer can say with a high level of confidence that readers of all kinds will be encouraged and edified by it. I highly recommend it.

I suppose it was apropos that I was aboard a plane careening toward the runway as I approached the end of Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's unique book, considering the rush of emotion that overcame me in those last teary moments. I attempted to describe the book, at several junctures, to my husband, but I did not succeed well because it really is several books in one. When he saw me sniffling as I closed the book, he must have wondered if I'd switched volumes midstream.For me, the author hit some rich notes in the final "book" as she described her life as a foster and adoptive mother, including the victory-agony-victory as she and her husband answered God's call to rescue several love-starved children, who otherwise might have continued languishing in the flawed foster care system that is the sad product of our fallen world. The painful sweetness of their fervent prayers for God to place in loving Christian homes those children they were not meant to keep (including the one infant who was ripped from their arms by a racist social services director) would surely tug at anyone's heartstrings. And God did not fail to answer those prayers.But, back to the other "books." ...Succinctly put, this memoir is a story of one woman's impossibly (by worldly standards) long leap into the beckoning arms of Christ, where she remains held fast as a "new creature," but one with a memory of the old life, as we all have. Perhaps it takes being a fellow Christian with a similarly broken and now-healed heart (part of which also was held hostage to a counterfeit sexual identity for many years) to truly grasp the significance of Rosaria Butterfield's journey to adoption into the family of God. Rarely does one get to peer this intimately into a conversion story as dramatic as this one is. God loved Rosaria Butterfield so much that He drew her to Himself until she was overcome by His all-consuming love. Yes! That's a perfect picture of Christ at the well with the Samaritan woman -- a picture of the son of man, Son of God beckoning us to release our burdens to him, to be reborn to new life. He knows us intimately (yes, even that!) and loves us nonetheless.It is my hope and prayer that many others will benefit from the gift of this story. I was initially drawn in because of Christianity Today's review, which honed in on the feminist-lesbian-intellectual-come-to-Jesus aspect. Yes, that's pretty dramatic. I had friends pointing that review out to me, since they knew of my own related (though closeted) past. Butterfield writes that front part of the book with gut-wrenching honesty. Her newfound life necessitated the tearing away of the old, rather like the picture Christ paints in the Gospels of the preference for being (emotionally) maimed for life in order to enter the kingdom of heaven rather than going to hell with our sinful parts intact.It's easy to like Butterfield's initial train-wreck conversion story. Some readers apparently have not quite known what to make of the remaining sections of the book, which consist of part-apologia for the Reformed Presbyterian Church and part-Christian service/foster/adoptive-parenting journal. While the latter chapters necessitate a substantial shift in gears for the reader, I in no way found them off-putting or odd. The author is quite straightforward about her awareness of a still-forming identity in Christ. Shouldn't we all be? High-velocity train wrecks can take a long time to clean up. Is she playing at Super Wife/Mom (to separate herself as far from her past as possible) or is she merely doing what all Christians are expected to do -- find the ministry that God has specifically fashioned for us and embrace it wholeheartedly, as if doing it for Christ himself? We don't have to have it all figured out to do this, as Butterfield realizes. Did one life/book progress naturally to the other for her? It would appear so, though not without much trepidation and soul-searching.Because God seems to have preordained that a number of Reformed Presbyterian congregations minister in specific ways to Butterfield, and because she married a man from one of those shortly after he graduated from seminary, she was compelled to fold the whys and wherefores of that denomination's theological views into her story. She does it with professorial aplomb. That may grate at other lifelong Christians (she defines "layman" with an amusing gut punch), especially those "conservatives" who fall under her microscopic gaze at times.Can you fast-track sanctification if you have a liberal Ph.D.? I'm not sure, but it may help. Maybe I can more easily appreciate Butterfield because I'm an English major who sat under some liberal but beloved professors back in the day. From infancy, I've spent most of my growing years in Southern Baptist churches, along with several other denominations that I am sure God appointed for me at those times in life. My experiences (some of them painful, many wonderful) in no way prevent me from appreciating and even embracing Butterfield's love of her particular branch of Christ's church. She draws an authentic and beautiful picture of "life together." That she realizes we all should go deeper in that than the typical surface-level Christian does earns her much respect in my book. The outlander style of analysis that breaks out of her writing in places is refreshing.Don't miss the marriage sermon preached by one of the pastors who performed the Butterfields' wedding ceremony, included in The Home Front chapter. It is a beautiful, scripturally sound picture of the mystery of marriage between a man and a woman, by God's design."Is this woman real?" many readers may find themselves asking. My gut tells me she is a true sister in Christ, whose story is as authentic as any, and that she is uniquely positioned in this postmodern world to make a difference for the kingdom. She may not lead many homosexuals to conversion (she knows that is God's work anyway), but what she has done/is doing in the lives of children is sublime. There is a crown stored up for her for that alone. Meanwhile, I hope this book leads some sanctimonious Christians to conversion.

Rosario Butterfield went from being a professor in Syracuse University's Women's Studies Department, an English major specializing in Critical Theory, Secret-thoughts-unlikely-convertparticularly Queer Theory, a practicing lesbian who owned two houses with her partner, a political activist and outspoken advocate for numerous gay and lesbian causes, and a "tenured radical," to being a Christian, heterosexual, married, mother of multiple adoptees and foster children, and pastor's wife. Her journey, chronicled in this short 150 page book entitled Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert, is one of the most compelling testimonies I've ever read.There were no fireworks for this "convert." No fall on your knees, dangling by the fingertips, come to Jesus moments. The terrain that's traversed here is spiritual, intellectual, and relational. But the author describes it with humor and candor:"How do I tell you about my conversion to Christianity without making it sound like an alien abduction or a train wreck? Truth be told, it felt like a little of both. The language normally used to describe this odd miracle does not work for me. I didn't read one of those tacky self-help books with a thin gentle coating of Christian themes, examine my life against the tenets of the Bible the way one might hold up one car insurance policy against all others and cleanly and logically, `make a decision for Christ.' While I did make choices along this journey, they never felt logical, risk-free, or sane. Neither did I feel like the victim of an emotional / spiritual earthquake and collapse gracefully into the arms of my Savior, like a holy and sanctified Scarlett O'Hara having been `claimed by Christ's irresistible grace.' Heretical as it may seem, Christ and Christianity seemed eminently resistible."Perhaps what I liked best about Butterfield's testimony is its open-endedness. By that I mean, there's no simple answers as to how she went from one cultural, ideological, spiritual extreme to the other. Except God's amazing grace. If you're looking for an evangelistic blueprint, you won't find it here. Save for the timely orchestration of events (namely, a non-threatening letter from a local pastor that started the ball rolling), the only real "secret" here is the gracious, patient, non-condemning community of saints to which Butterfield was introduced. These relationships with "genuine" Christians turned her preconceptions, and defenses, on their ear. It's a beautiful glimpse into the simple power of long-term, loving relationships with non-believers.Furthermore, if you're looking for an anti-gay tract, this isn't it. In fact, Butterfield doesn't flinch in describing the rich relationship she shared inside the gay and lesbian community, and the heartbreak of having to distance herself from it. She broods, knowing that to openly profess Christ will cost her so many cherished relationships, if not her career. Her decision to publicly speak about her transformation while delivering the Graduate Student Orientation Convocation at Syracuse is utterly captivating. (A copy of her address, entitled "What King Solomon Teaches Those in the Wisdom Business: Active Learning and Active Scholarship," is included in its entirety and, in my opinion, worth the price of the book.) Along the way, Butterfield walks the tightrope between the Christian community and the LGBT community, immersing herself in Scripture while receiving counsel from a transsexual, ex-Christian minister. It's a fascinating, gritty glimpse into an intersection of unlikely worldviews.And in case you think the author is simply pitching Christianity or glossing over the Church's blemishes, she's not. In fact, she speaks with brutal honesty."Christians always seemed like bad thinkers to me. It seemed that they could maintain their worldview only because they were sheltered from the world's real problems, like the material structures of poverty and violence and racism. Christians always seemed like bad readers to me, too. They appeared to use the Bible in a way that Marxists would call "vulgar" -- that is, common, or, in order to bring the Bible into a conversation to stop the conversation, not deepen it. ...Their catch phrases were (and are) equally off-putting. `Jesus is the answer' seemed to me then and now like a tree without a root. Answers come after questions, not before. Answers answer questions in specific and pointed ways, not in sweeping generalizations. `It's such a blessing' always sounds like a violation of the Third Commandment ("Do not take the Lord's name in vain") or a Hallmark card drunk with shmaltz. It seemed to me that the only people who could genuinely be satisfied with this level of reading and thinking were people who didn't really read or think very much -- about life or culture or anything."In a way, this is a story about how the Church both alienates and reaches those outside its walls. Butterfield's conversion from a religion she loathed to one she was baptized into, is full of insights -- about culture, academic institutions, adoption, home schooling, sexuality, leadership, etc. The story occasionally bogs down as Butterfield expounds upon her growing membership in the Reformed Presbyterian Church. But never do you get the feel that she's proselytizing. Or insincere.Interestingly enough, those on both sides of the aisle have taken some issue with this book. On the one hand are evangelicals who believe Butterfield does not distance herself enough from the LGBT community. On the other sides are those who dispute her conversion as a legitimate "reverse conversion" story. I find these responses fascinating. Butterfield does not make herself out to be (in her own words) "a poster child for gay conversion." Instead, she speaks about "sexual sin," pointing out that her struggle to overcome it is no different from anyone else's.This short book left me with many questions, but ultimately inspired me to remember that God is still at work, even among those we think the most lost. I highly recommend this book!

How many believers in our modern US have to give up "everything but the dog" in order to be a Christian? I suspect not a whole lot of us. Sure, in the early Church, in various times and places, then and now, believers have had to and still have to count all else rubbish (or at least necessary losses) in order to be the Lord's and follow Him truly, genuinely, fully. Well, the author of this book had to do that in a "postmodern" way: a lesbian, with a life partner, with a tenured professorship in Women's Study (Queer Theory), in a top university, and a leadership voice in her accepting and activistic gay community. When the patient, questioning, hospitality of a reformed minister begins to open the way of grace to her, she responds, and it turns her life 180 degrees. Train wreck, she calls it.Well, Paul getting thrown off his horse was a train wreck, too, and Paul was never the same. Rosaria was never the same as well. As she puts it, she lost everything "but the dog." But she takes us along the process of how she got to that change and what happens in the life that evolves in Christ after.It's fascinating. She writes well, drawing you along. She's intelligent. She doesn't make decisions rashly, but thinks them out. She makes mistakes. She has insights about sanctification and community and Christian hospitality and sacrifice. She grows. She's opinionated, and you may disagree with some of what she says, but it's worth listening to.I read this for Holy Week, on purpose. I wanted to hear this voice who knows both sides of the "gay issue" during a week when we remember Him who died for our sins and the Supreme Court has heard arguments for and against gay marriage. It is timely. And in a sense, timeless. Sin is sin. Then, now whenever. And grace is greater, then now and forever.Rosaria makes me want to be a better believer, to sacrifice more, because really so many of us have a selfish, cozy Christianity. It makes me want to have more care of my phrasings, so that I do not offend unnecessarily one for whom Christ died. It reminds me that sometimes offering the 4-pointgospel is not what is needed, but hospitality (which I suck at due to some neurotic issues that need healing), graciousness, love, patience, and questions. Questions that open the mind. Get one thinking.I found reading her address to the graduate students terrific reading, especially in its context. I found her discussion on adoption convicting, for we are all adopted into the Lord's family. I disagree with her about what constitutes worship (properly) and singing only the Psalms, but I appreciate the place of valuing the songs of the Spirit for changing us, growing us, inspiring us, teaching and correcting us.This is a valuable book for the body. I recommend it strongly. And I wish the price point would be temporarily, strategicallly, brought down (a free day, a 2.99 month, a 99 cent week) so that many could get this and word of it would spread. I've had folks say they'll wait for the price to come down to read it. And I want this read. But if you can, buy it at full price, support this sister-author, and read this excellent book.God bless.

You will be convicted, encouraged, and amazed at God’s grace! Rosario is an excellent writer who has an excellent testimony to share. I couldn’t put this down. I was sad when I reached the end. So so good!!

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert is one of the most imagecompelling books I have ever read. The title leads one to think that it will give the reader a peek into the thought processes of a non-Christian person who is confronted with the gospel, and it does indeed fulfill that promise. The primary subject matter of the first and largest segment of the book is Rosaria Butterfield's personal conversion story, from lesbian activist/English professor researching the "religious right", to questioning Bible reader, to reluctant church attender, and finally, committed Christian convert -- and pastor's wife! Its insights into the mindset of one with strong ties to the LGBT community could be invaluable to one struggling with gender identity, or to one who has friends and loved ones who do. (In case you are concerned, although the author jokes occasionally about having an "R-rated testimony", and she is open about her previous lifestyle, there is nothing "explicit" in this book.)But perhaps surprisingly, the volume is very beneficial on a number of other fronts besides merely sexuality: it gives one an inside look into the thought processes of a person of any type who is considering the gospel: how they think; what some of the potential "stumbling blocks" to coming to faith in Christ are; how people feel when they walk into a church for the first time; how some of the Christian "hypocrisies" come across to others who are lost or newly initiated into the church; how God can use a person to reach a lost friend or associate for Christ, and much more. Secret Thoughts is also a gold mine of insights into a wide spectrum of other issues in the Christian life. The final section of the book moves from Butterfield's conversion and initial Christian growth to her own subsequent marriage, and the building of her family through adoption. She gives quite an apologetic for adoption, homeschooling, Christian foster care, as well as hospitality ministry and discipleship in general.Here's a sampling of some insightful quotes from the book:"When Christ gave me the strength to follow Him, I didn't stop feeling like a lesbian. I've discovered that the Lord doesn't change my feelings until I obey Him.""I think that too many young Christian fornicators plan that marriage will redeem their sin ... Marriage does not redeem sin. Only Jesus Himself can do that.""Betrayal and risk are at the heart of the gospel life.""When your calendar is too full, it squeezes out mercy ministry. It is hard to fit in the stranger and the outcast."Some may find Butterfield's Reformed Presbyterian Calvinism a bit much for their taste: especially on some singular issues like "Psalms only" for worship singing in the church, which many would consider anachronistic. But if you are not opposed to reading (and possibly learning) from other viewpoints, you can find much to consider, and possibly benefit from in this book. Mrs. Butterfield also comes close to being judgmental herself in her attitude towards judgmental Christians -- and perhaps this is understandable in some ways. But she and other more "radical" Christians may need to guard against becoming, in their own way, something like those they despise. Establishment Christians shouldn't judge a former lesbian or her "down & out" friends -- and neither should she judge too harshly those who have not grown up among such, and haven't yet learned how to exercise grace towards some who need it. As I believe Rosaria Butterfield would be the first to admit: we are ALL in great need of God's grace, in many ways!But suffice it to say, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert will challenge the reader on many levels: one's attitude towards those who do not yet know Christ, treatment of guests in church, evangelism, discipleship, personal sanctification, hospitality and ministry, legalistic attitudes, and more. It is anything but dull. Anyone who reads it thoughtfully should find that they have been both challenged and edified by it.

This is one of the most interesting biographies I have ever read and I’ve read a lot of them. Having been a part of the non-binary university community as well as a tenured professor, Rosaria is well-qualified to comment regarding historical background, thoughts and goals of many of the component groups, and the many in these groups who were friends that she cared deeply for and still does. The book details her path in discovering the truth of the Bible and the life-changing consequences that continue to result. God has His people in many groups and now Rosaria is a Christ-follower.

This is an amazing book. I’m in absolute awe of the way, God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit can intervene in our lives. This is such a profoundly personal, honest and yet incredibly encouraging book about God’s sanctification and justification in someone’s life. I really appreciated the deep theoretical secular knowledge and also the deep biblical teachings of the author. There’s many powerful messages in this book. The main takeaway for me is the Genesis 1 quote: God made us in His own image — male and female! Christians are not to believe the man made Freudian - Lacan - Marxist theories of sub categories of the identities of humans based primarily on “feeling” — derived from biased notions of gender and sexuality so prevalent in our society. The author describes clearly how destructive this is for the development of our identity in God. This book should be read by every Christian grandparents, and parents navigating their way raising children in our screwed up society. Every Christian pastor, elder, overseer, congregant member should read it to fully appreciate the lies about gender and identity that have pervaded some sections of the church. The truth and word of God should never be compromised by anyone.I am so glad to have come across this book and Rosario’s talks recorded on YouTube.God richly bless you, your husband Kent and wonderful children and indeed whole community as you share and demonstrate God’s unfailing love for all in your neighbourhoods, communities and churches.

This book helped me better understand the liberal worldview of the gay community. Until now, I've viewed the LGBTQ community merely as an anti-christian political movement. They zealously fought me and my family in Christ attempting to force their ideology and agenda on us. Now, I see them as they are - precious people loved by God. Confused, blinded but nonetheless precious. They are people who value friendship, are concerned about our world and are seeking purpose in life - people like us. Rosario testifies that this purpose is found only in Christ and in a life lived for Him.

"I learned the first rule of repentance: that repentance requires greater intimacy with God than with our sin."This book is full of challenging truths - it isn't only a testimony. She knows God well, not in a soppy sentimental way, but in a powerful life-changing way of someone who didn't actually want to be converted. I was bowled-over by so much that she says that speaks directly into my life."How did the Lord heal me? The way that he always heals: the word of God got to be bigger inside me than I." This is something for all of us if we acknowledge our need to be healed. And that's pretty much where she starts her testimony - her recognition that life doesn't add-up correctly. "In the normal course of life questions emerged that exceeded my secular feminist worldview." So she seeks out a pastor who takes the Word of God seriously and who is able to engage with her intellect, and begins to ask some questions, strictly on her terms at first. Eventually her life becomes a 'train wreck' as her old worldview is overtaken by the new, but she stays true to her friends and is appalled by some Christian attitudes "...where everybody thinks the same nobody thinks very much". The story about her transexual friend is just stunning - you can't read it without wondering about who God really is. This book doesn't let you take God for granted.She has little time for Christians who want to hear how bad she was before she was converted. If that's your interest in this book you'll be left strongly challenged. "We in the church tend to be more fearful of the (perceived) sin in the world than of the sin in our own heart." Some of these things I read and read again. She has some great insights into sin (it is symptomatic, not causal. That is, it tells us where our heart has been, not who we inherently are or what we are destined to become.) She also has great insights into suffering, Christian worship, child-rearing, the nature of marriage.The latter part of the book talks about church life, marriage and home-schooling. I don't share her views on several things and I guess you might skip this half because it isn't about her conversion. But actually I found this half of the book just as challenging and helpful. She says, "One of God's greatest gifts is the ability to see and appreciate the world from points of view foreign to your own, points of view that exceed your personal experience." I don't consider myself to be much of an intellectual, but so much of popular thought seems to trivialise the nature of God and what it means to be a Christian, I really appreciated the entirety of this book.

Das Leben einer Frau, die von Gott gefunden wird. Beeindruckend ihre denkerische Leistung, die sich an der Bibel orientiert, weill sie da Gott begegnet und Seinen Gedanken.