How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

This book is a must-read for anyone raising children. It provides clear, actionable strategies for improving communication, reducing power struggles, and building a stronger connection with your kids. The techniques are realistic, easy to implement, and backed by thoughtful examples from real-life parenting situations. I’ve noticed a real difference in how my child responds when I apply these methods—it feels less like “discipline” and more like collaboration. The writing is accessible, encouraging, and full of practical tips you can start using immediately. Overall, it’s a valuable resource for fostering respectful, positive relationships with your children. Good value for money and highly recommended for parents at any stage.

Very informative book.

Using the tips in this book I have seen a rapid positive difference in both my children's behaviour. The biggest points that I have taken from this book are: - Describe what you can see and or hear. - Acknowledge what your child is feeling and empathise with them. Honestly I saw rapid changes by doing what this book said. Overall good read and plenty of useful examples within, along with questions to ask yourself while reading.

An amazing book that you can put to good use. Recommended by other and I'm glad I made the purchase.

Those skills should be a must for everyone. I think it might take a few generations before a general change occurs in our society, which still rely heavily on carrots and sticks. However, I am optimistic that this will be the approach of the future. It does not only apply between children and adults, but between everyone. Some people just have no idea how to properly talk (and listen) to other people, and that's because it is not in our native language. I would like to share what happened to me when I was 15-16, at secondary school, a time when I wish I had those skills and mastered that language. I had just moved to a different country so I was new. A few months after I arrived, some boys started picking on me (verbally and physically). As a girl raised in a fairly traditional way, with an authoritarian dad, all I knew was fight or flight. I also learned to be afraid of men, after being reminded multiple times that women were the "weaker sex". I tried ignoring the boys, only to make them want to shout even louder and push even harder. I also got defensive at times, just telling them to f*** off, only to be told how rude I was by the audience I had. My classmates obviously did not possess any better tools because all the (unsolicited) advice I received was "look away", "ignore them", "tell them to f*** off" and on one occasion "you should have smacked him". I was also told not to get upset or scared or anything. I would like to use this occasion to thank A.Faber & E.Mazlish for writing about how unhelpful, if not harmful, unwanted advice and denying feelings can be. In retrospect, I so wish I had possessed these tools back then. For example, I wish I had told the one boy who probably most pushed my buttons: "It's clear that you have an issue with me". It sounds even better than "What on Earth is the matter with you?", to which he would probably have answered "Nothing". It is definitely far better than freezing, blushing, swearing, etc. which sums up what I usually did. I have also always secretly believed that punishment does not solve anything in the long run, but now I am proud to admit it! Not only for the reasons mentioned in this book, but also because how many times have I seen the wrong person being punished while the culprit got away, a child being punished after false accusations or for something that they were not old enough to know better? As disappointed as I was that my teachers turned a blind eye on the bullying that they witnessed, in a way I'm glad they didn't issue stupid detentions, because I'm convinced that the boys would only have made sure not to get caught by them afterwards. Punishments are just not really effective, neither are warnings (threats) that encourage children to test them. As for empty threats, well I think it goes without saying. Now the mother of an 18-month-old, to who I want to teach those skills, I would recommend this book to absolutely anyone, as well as other books about positive discipline!

This is the best self help parenting book II have come across to date. It is clear full of common sense and I did not find it patronising. I found it really useful that it points out, if we are honest with ourselves, what we all do and say. It gives you alternatives which actually make sense. It is not all about the perfect family, it is just a tool to support us mere humans. Only negative for me is the american vocabulary, which one must not be distracted by. Every now and then I just pick it up and go straight to key points, just to remind me that there are other ways to tackle issues, potential confrontations etc. it is like counting to 10 but during that having a reminder of how to move forward. I can equate how I use this book with having a good objective friend who you can run things past without feeling judged for our uncertainties. I have not read it cover to cover, I just take from it what is useful to me, which may be different for different individuals but as you can tell I just love this book and I am so glad I came across it. Thanks Adele!

This book has changed my life and improved my relationship with my daughter no end - if I could give it 6 stars I would!! I'm a single mum which means I'm mum, dad, good cop, bad cop all rolled into one which can be a challenge. The book is packed with different techniques you can use to listen to your children so they talk and to communicate with them so that they listen. It's packed with stories from parents, which helps you apply different techniques to different situations. It was the hugest relief to know it's not just me and my child that get into stand offs over ridiculous things which could be completely avoided just by communicating better! Loads of the examples made me smile, as they were things which I recognised in my daily life. I've read the book about four times now and always find myself going back to it. I've bought a copies for my mum and other family members. I've even bought the audio CD which I regularly listen to in the car.

I bought this when I started to run into trouble with my 11 year old. Unfortunately it's aimed more at parents of children from 2 - 8 I would say. It's also quite basic parenting which I learnt naturally or at parenting courses I attended when they were a toddler. So it ended up in the second hand shop after reading only the first 2 chapters.

Useful book

Bought as gift. Recipient very pleased.

Libro fantástico, lo he recomendado muchísimas veces

I got this book as recommendation from someone when I searched on Amazon I was shocked to see 11.5k people have rated it and overall rating is 4.5 star. I was like how could I miss this book or have not came across. I ordered it immediately and now I am reading it. I will highly recommend this to anyone

With all that is going on in the internet, it is very refreshing to read such a book that is heavily based on evidence/research studies. As a first-time parent, this book is very helpful as it taught me strategies in parenting my child, taking into consideration the holistic approach so we can get their attention and actually being listened. Thank you for the tips.