Stuck in the Middle with You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders

As the parent of a transgender adult, this was the first book I read after my daughter came out to our family. It is beautifully written, thoughtful, informative, funny, and comforting, and was a tremendous help at a time when I was trying to understand my daughter's struggles, as well as deal with my own. It made me feel that a world that had just been turned upside down for me would be righted in whatever the new "right" would be. I have given the book to friends so that they can better understand what it means to be born transgender. The entire experience has made me really think about something that I always knew: I love my children no matter who they are and how they express themselves. Especially, in this case, where my child has struggled so deeply and has anguished so much just wanting to be who she was born to be. Thank you Jennifer!

This is a sequel to "She's Not There", and to me not as good because it covers ground covered in the previous book. Still, Ms. Boylan is a great writer and can make anything sound fascinating. The main thing that sticks with me from this memoir...is how, after she became a woman, she kept being kicked out of bands she joined. As a man, even a middle aged man, as a rocker in a band, a talented musician, Jimmy got a lot of satisfaction and joy from playing in a band. As a middle aged woman...well, in our society, middle aged women are just not cool, especially in a rock band. Welcome to life over here, Jennifer. I wondered whether life as a woman was all Ms. Boylan dreamed it would be. I would ask her questions if I could. Still, her life is good in many ways...as a college English professor...as the parent of exemplary, talented, intelligent children...in a caring, devoted marriage that has weathered storms that would wreck most marriages. Ms. Boylan is so likable, so good natured, explains things so well, it was a pleasure to spend time in her company, in the form of reading another memoir, once again.

Reads like a long conversation with an old friend; at any rate, a friend who does most of the talking! Of all her three memoirs, this one is probably the most intellectually probing and detached, no small achievement considering it is also the most intimate and personal. It's also fiercely funny at points. This time around the story is not just the tale the journey of Jenny and her wife and children, although that is told again and TMI relief, but an exploration into the meaning and impacts of all of our parent-child relationships and the gender filters through which we view our lives. Thankfully, the issue of gender seems to take a back seat in this one and perhaps that is ultimately the point. Time, age, and perspective make this one the most profoundly mature of three excellent books in her memoir series. Jenny is now so comfortable in her own skin, and seems so happy in her own life, that now can come reflection and the quest for understanding.

There is absolutely nothing to dislike about this book or the previous one. Jenny Boylan led a tortured life because she was born in the wrong gender. I always wanted to have it explained and this author did it in such a way that one felt as though we were living in the house with the closet that had secret panels where he (yearniing to be a 'she') would hole himself up in his room and put on female apparel but never in front of another human being. It was always done in secret. People are uncomfortable with the transgendered because if one has male anatomy and reassigns to female anatomy, somehow the whole idea seems like a corruption and that person remains 'male' (in the minds of everyone else). Naturally, that is fundamentally untrue. It seems that once a person is born of a certain gender, they remain that way, even though in their heart, soul and mind - they are of the opposite gender - even after gender reassignment. The general public is very unforgiving and narrow in this respect. .

I was thrilled when I received my copy of "Stuck in the middle with you". I'd read "She's Not There" previously and was taken in by the authors story and how she was able to alter her life's path, preserve her marriage and be a good parent to her two children. "Stuck In The Middle" describes her becoming a parent and how doing so affects the very core of a person. Some parts of the narrative really struck home since I'd experienced many of the same things when I became a parent. One part that really stood out was her amazement that the hospital staff let them just walk out with their baby and felt like they'd pulled off a bank job. One of the things I loved most about the book were the conversations with people such as Edward Albee, Ralph James Savarese and Richard Russo about the nature of parenthood, what's a father, what's a mother and what parenting is and how it shapes our lives and the lives of our children. One theme that I saw was a common experience of parenting and that even when gender lines are blurred, a parent is someone who provides unquestioning love for their child regardless of the challenges. The chapter where Ralph James Savarese described the challenges of raising an autistic child was very inspiring. I was deeply moved by the book and highly recommend it to all.

I enjoyed this book on several levels. The writing is so good, and moves the story along. But more importantly I think this is the first time I've been able to understand how a couple with one partner transitioning his/her gender could stay together. I've met several transgender people and never got it. Now I see that the person who was and the person who becomes is the very same person! The transitioned person is who he or she always was and the difference is that it becomes more obvious in a variety of ways. I hope I'm saying this clearly, because it's clear to me.

This book held my attention from beginning to end. It inspired me to go back and read Boylan's first memoir, which I also liked. In many ways, Boylan's transition was different than those of many trans* memoirs, because she and her wife stayed married. The process of coming to terms with her identity necessarily involved her wife and sons, which added all kinds of complications and joys that single people transitioning don't have. The enormous empathy she shows for her family also makes this book special. Without minimizing her own struggles, she is clear-eyed about the cost of those struggles to people who really didn't sign up for that, but who stuck with her anyway. The first memoir focused on Boylan's own story, with the family issues coming in as needed to make that telling true. This book is the other way around, focused on the family issues, with details of her transition only present when necessary to explain something specific that happened. It's a brave book, beautifully written, and honest in ways that are not always comfortable to read. And to top it off, there is an afterword written by her wife, who shows herself to also be an articulate, charming, and interesting writer.

I read and enjoyed her original book- this book seems like more of the same- very repetitive - I felt like I had already read this book. Not worth reading, although I think she is an excellent writer and if she found a new topic I would be interested in it.

Brilliant on so many levels, this book is smart, humourous, touching and illuminating. It is so much more than about gender but about families and what makes them work. I was riveted and inspired.

I made the mistake of reading this in a soft play when I was out with my kids (like Boylan, I'm a trans parent). Crying in public isn't a great look. Boylan is a wonderful writer and just like her better known memoir She's Not There, Stuck In The Middle With You is warm, wise and often utterly heartbreaking. I wasn't too keen on the interviews that supplement Boylan's own story – the people she interviews are interesting, but I felt those sections would have worked better in a separate book – but the memoir is unflinchingly honest about the highs and lows of trying to be a good person and a good parent in often very unusual circumstances.

I liked this book. It is well written and gives a different perspective of family life where one of the parents is transsexual. Ms Boylan also investigates what parenting means to different people and includes contributions from her friends and contacts. There is overlap with her previous book: She's Not There. This is only to be expected as they are both essentially autobiographical works. Of the two books, I felt that She's Not There was better, though that is my preference: others will no doubt disagree. That's why I gave this 4 stars rather than 5. But both are good books and I'm pleased that I bought them both. If you are going to read them both, though, do read "She's Not There" first.