Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

Very, very helpful. I spent years in individual and couples counseling. Testing showed husband was narcissistic, but the counselor never explained what it would mean for my life. I was very naive. Husband told me the testing was wrong. The counselor never explained anything about it and had me reading books like the Peter Pan Syndrome and the Wendy Dilemma, which were inadequate books for my situation. This book was a bolt of lightning. It was like WOW. I finally get it. The divorce was after 28 years of marriage. I wish I had understood more sooner. I was clueless. When you have tried everything to save your marriage and nothing makes sense, read this. It is sad, but it is better to know the truth. They will not change. The narcissist may charm you into believing that next week will be better, but........

My therapist mentioned that he thought my significant other was exhibiting some very strong narcissistic tendencies. Intrigued, I decided to look at some Ted Talks on the subject. When I saw the one given by this author, I thought, wow, this woman really knows what she is talking about!. So I bought the book, thinking, oh well, the worst that can happen is that it turns out to be just another self-help book. Then I opened it. And there it was - my relationship, in black and white. From the very first page. Insight after insight. Feelings I had always believed were just unique to me. Even some of the actual phrases I had used myself to describe what I had been experiencing - it was as if the author was reading my mind. And here’s the best part: After reading this book, I finally found the courage and strength to walk away from a nearly decade-long relationship with a narcissistic man. I loved him, he wasn’t evil, he was just a narcissist, and up until then, I had felt trapped, with literally no way out. And today, although there were a lot of tears and grief, I am finally, finally free. The last page, which was about the humanity and love in all of us, actually made me cry. I wish could thank the author in person.

The book is fabulous for a woman in a relationship with a very successful openly narcissistic man. The title implies exactly that. Be aware that many ordinary men and women, just living ordinary lives, are just as narcissistic but display their narcissism in sneaky ways. It can take years of confusion, if ever, before one figures out that so-and-so is a narcissist. They are SO sneaky in their manipulations and selfishness. As masters of seeming innocent, they can jerk people around with manipulations for a lifetime and always seem wonderful -- sometimes the victim but never the bad guy. Look for sneaky manipulativeness, very-very sneaky selfishness, skill at diverting and blaming others, and their FAN CLUBS, which sometime are not big-time but all they can assemble. Every moment of their life is sneakily focused on getting what they want and buildiing up their FAN CLUBS

Dr. Ramani is an excellent writer and an expert in her field with concentration in narcissism. Her prolific videos on the web inspired me to buy this book. Very helpful and straightforward information with bullet points on the key elements of narcissistic personality traits as well as descriptive sections on each one of those red flags. This book gives you a sense of every aspect of the psychological problem. If you know a narcissist in your life, this book will help explain the behavior patterns that you've been witnessing but might not have been able to understand, i.e. why the behavior was happening and why it was happening to you...and why do you feel so awful after you've had encounters with a narcissist. Bottom line: it's not you! The mind of the narcissist is unwell, unstable, mentally unhealthy, and you unfortunately might have unknowingly gotten caught up as their "supply," the term used for the victim of narcissistic behavior. Without their supply, they can't function so they use their supply in order to galvanize their own emotional state from the deep insecurity to an unstable short-term stability. But you have a choice, to stay or to go. If you do choose to stay, Dr. Ramani gives ideas of how to survive each encounter. Having read quite a bit about this subject, I do recommend this book highly. Also helpful is Dr. Les Carter's works on narcissism.

This is the best book I have read on the subject of narcissistic abuse in relationships and how this abuse affects the victim. It has been immensely validating for me as I am learning how I have been in the thrall of a narcissist for over thirty years. It outlines specific behaviors and emotions that are evident in these dysfunctional relationships; things I could have never put into words before I read this book. The author also gives specific advice and strategies for dealing with either staying in the relationship and what that would mean versus leaving the relationship and the hurdles and dangers to be aware of in that scenario. I found this book incredibly helpful. I would highly recommend it to anyone thinking they may be involved in a relationship with a narcissist, or for anyone who needs to understand the dynamic of this type of relationship, such as therapists, counselors, or lawyers.

I am so happy I bought this book after seeing her do an interview on YouTube. This answers all the questions I have about the experience I had and currently have with my estranged wife. People who suffer from NPD abuse will get so much from this book. This book affirms you are not crazy (if you have been NPD abused you know what I mean). My wife scored 33 out of 33 on the test. Thank you Dr. Ramani Durvasula for writing this book. I would also, suggest finding a competent therapist experienced in treating people who suffer from NPD abuse. Buy the book. It will no doubt be helpful.

If you don't know what a care taker is, and you have done you research, and think you are in the orbit of a narcissist, and you haven't left yet...... you are a care taker....sorry. Look at the news, look at Trump, If you are living from one trauma to the next, day after day only spaced out only by days of neglect and loneliness, then love bombardment, and you haven't stopped the madness, you are a care taker. Should you stay of should you go IS the question.

I’ve read a lot of books on narcissism and being in a relationship with one and I have watched many videos on you tube regarding the matter. This book by far is the one that finally nailed it for me. After 18 years of being in a relationship with a narcissist, going back and forth and not being able to let go, this book was the finality for me.This book was easy to digest, honest and factual without the heaviness of other books I have read. I felt like light bulbs were going off and awakeninng my awareness without me feeling like I need to beat myself up for being in that relationship for so long.I wish she was based in the UK because I would have her as my therapist.

This is overall a very helpful and validating book about what life feels like with a narcissistic partner. I’ve not had a romantic relationship with one; but members of my family are like this so I’ve been inside this dynamic. Sadly, I’ve met a few therapists who are manipulative and controlling, so I recognised some of the traits I experienced with them. Now that I’ve gained some more clarity, my favourite question to ask myself is: what would make me happy? What would make my life meaningful? And keep asking until I get an answer that feels authentic and good. Wishing everyone who reads this book well!

It so described my relationship with my long gone narcissistic ex. I am still healing and gradually removing the other narcissists from my life. As very typically I have a narcissistic parent and siblings and grew up in a narcissistic family.The validation and assistance this book gives to you in your healing process is astronomic. I virtually read it in a sitting and empowers you to get back out there!This book is fantastic as a resource for validation

I love Dr Ramani, I first discovered her on YouTube and decided to read her book after my 2 year relationship with a covert narcissist almost lost me everything in my life including my life itself. I love this book as it is different in the sense it is not constantly prompting you to leave. It is gentle, objective & raw. It outlines the reality of staying or leaving. This gentle & objective approach has given me the courage to finally leave my relationship. It is very difficult but staying is no life anyone should have to live. There is more out there for all of us. We just have to be brave. Thank you Dr Ramani for this book & for your countless videos on YouTube that have helped me immensely. If anyone is reading this wondering if you should read this book please do, whether you are staying or leaving it is very helpful either way.

So much of this book describes the last 28 years of my life. Helping me realize I'm not a failure, most of it wasn't my fault and crucially stop hoping he will ever change and actually start truly caring about anything other than himself. Has given me strength to start moving on and start letting go of the past.