Beautiful Boy: A Heartbreaking Story of a Father’s Love, Addiction, and the Fight to Save His Son

I first watched the movie version of "Beautiful Boy" with Steve Carrell and Timothee Chalamet and was so touched. Here was a book about a young man's horrifying addiction. It's central to the story, but I quickly realized it was more about the devastating impact drug abuse has on the people, parents especially, who love their children but feel helpless. I was so moved, and the movie remained in my brain for several days when I sought out the book. As moving as the movie was, nothing could prepare me for the intensity of the suffering that touched the entire family and the journey they needed to take in order to get some semblance of normality, or rather equilibrium, in their lives, even as they lived with the constant fear of relapse and the likelihood that their son, brother, or friend would likely die. Chock full of information about the science of addiction and the appalling lack of access to evidence based services really drove home the severity of our current opioid crisis, but even more educated me about the ravages of meth. It is astonishing. I've seen pictures of people whose physical appearance was ravaged because of the drug, but never grasped how effectively it destroys the brain. I thought it was a matter of physical dependence rather than psychological. David Sheff has written a memoir that pulls no punches, one that should be read by families of the addicted, as well as anyone interested in the science of addiction and recovery. Ultimately hopeful, I understood that the specter of relapse never completely vanishes, though eventually optimism is possible.

..unless addiction is involved. Sheff captures that mixture of hope and despair living in each parent whose child has gone into the dark, deep hole of addiction. His book is full of joy and tragedy. Love and relief, ambiguity and disgust and dislike. And guilt, so much guilt. Guilt for feeling all the love and hope and despair. In this book Sheff touches on pretty much everything parents feel (or at least this parent) when their child goes over to the dark side. Very well written, spellbinding in its own way, the reader will have a hard time staying neutral to the players in this personal tragedy. Sheff admits that for years people have given well-meaning advice and criticism. You should have done this. Why on earth did you do that. Until and unless you've had to deal with HIS issues, there is no right or wrong. Sheff did the best he could at the time with the information he had, at that static moment in time. No parent can say they haven't done the same thing. And who knows if the result would have been the same after all? Siblings, family, partners and friends have their own experiences with their addict, but a parent is a bit different. As Sheff points out, we are the soft place for them to fall, the most influential people in their lives until we send them off into the world and their tiny circle widens to include day care workers, teachers, coaches and friends. As parents we hand them over, so to speak, and our sphere of influence diminishes as the years go by- as it should. The mistake Sheff made, and he freely admits it, is that he was under the impression that he had armed his child with the tools he needed to succeed, and when that seemed to fail, Sheff began to question what exactly he had done to contribute to that failure. It is common if not universal among the parents of addicted children to blame their parenting. Other people will also look first to the home environment. Sheff takes a long hard look at himself and his parenting, and still has a hard time forgiving himself for mistakes he made. But who doesn't make mistakes? Conversely, does that mean parents get to take the credit for every good thing their child does? Is it right for a parent to take credit for the successes or failures of their child? And failure and success are rather subjective anyhow. Sheff does not really address this, although he tries hard to forgive himself, which he should. I really hope he has succeeded. What struck a deep note with me was how accurately he describes the sea change in parenting expectations... one day you are thrilled to see an A in spelling and almost the next you wake up grateful that the police haven't knocked on your door telling you that your child is dead. I have not read Nic Sheff's book yet, I want to leave a little break between the two. But I highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever been touched by addiction of any kind. It won't do a thing to prevent addiction but it may give you a gleam of insight into the silent and desperate life of the friend, co-worker or relative who has a child in trouble.

I really liked this book purely as a story for its own sake. I have not had nor been close to a serious drug/alcohol addiction so did not relate to it on that level; and when the author got bogged down in things like the chemistry of addiction, I skimmed those passages. What I did really find compelling was how well the author conveyed the range of emotions he went through, and how well he was able to express his love of life and appreciation of everything beautiful in life despite his son's addiction. He also did a spectacular job of describing parenthood in general - all the ups and downs that go with it. And I really appreciated, especially at the end, that the book really is what it's subtitled: the father's journey, not the son's. What I found annoying however was the son, Nic. He comes across as a spoiled brat, addiction or not. This is not to say that I blame the father/author for Nic's addiction - I don't - but Nic got on my nerves as a main character in this book. So his parents weren't perfect and got divorced - welcome to the USA in the new millenium, kid. He had up to four parents who doted on him, and had every advantage of being an upper middle-class young white American male. The opportunities never stopped - private school, a summer in Europe, a job offer in China - all set up by others for this overindulged brat. Did he ever have to do a thing for himself? The thing that made me the sickest though was when the author mentions that someone asked Nic to write his memoir. Yet another opportunity given to him through no effort of his own. I'm sure that most addicts - not just the children of well-known authors who have a history of helicopter parenting - have that chance, right? And, spoiler alert, I googled Nic Sheff to see what he has made of his life. He's now written two books about, what else?, being an addict. Does he have any sort of identity outside of this? Does he do anything without mommy and daddy's connections? I loved the ending for the book, which is to say for the dad, but there's no chance I'll be reading the son's books. I'm glad he is surviving his addiction, but he doesn't seem to have done much with his life beyond exploiting that fact.

"Beautiful Boy" is a useful book not only for the families of addicts but for any parent, because while the issues Nic Sheff and his father face are framed within the narrow context of Nic's meth use, the questions the author wrestles with are the classics of parenting: Am I overbearing? Too lenient? How can I offer help to someone who doesn't want it? How do I keep from allowing myself to be manipulated? At first I questioned why Sheff began his son's story when Nic was a young child, long before his drug use began, but I came to realize that Sheff wanted us to see what a wonderful son his child was, how exuberant and creative--basically, how unlikely it was he would end up an addict. The author was extremely close with Nic, which makes it all the more shocking when he discovers his son's drug use. Sheff senses that addiction isn't triggered by a single event but is rather the culmination of a variety of social and hereditary factors, although the author does speculate that his divorce, which occurred when Nic was still a child, may have had a significant impact. Sheff is unflinching in shouldering blame and anticipating criticisms that might be leveled at him by his readers. He admits fault in the divorce. He supposes he allowed Nic too much freedom. He says it was a mistake to tell Nic about his own past drug use. It would be natural for parents to blame themselves, but, as is repeated to the author at various meetings and counseling sessions he attends, there's likely nothing he could've done differently. Nic becomes hooked on a particularly damaging drug, and Sheff goes to some lengths to describe the impact of meth on the body and brain of the addict. A formerly mild-mannered kid, Nic rants and raves, he lies, he steals. Sheff and his second wife can't trust Nic around their younger children. If you read Nic's memoir, you will find a much different account in tone if not in content. While certain events overlap, Nic seems unable to keep from glamorizing his addiction while "Beautiful Boy" is a far more sorrowful book. The powerlessness and grief and rage that Sheff feels comes through in every page, the dashed hopes that go along with relapse after relapse. Sheff's book is peppered with references to artists like Kurt Cobain, Hemingway, and Bukowski whom Nic seems to idolize, and Nic makes mention of these figure's struggles with drugs and alcohol, almost as though addiction is a prerequisite for making art. One gets the sense that Nic's own artistic sensibilities, his curiousity, and his openness to experimentation were what led him to try drugs. Who can truly fault a parent for encouraging his child to be curious and creative? It is not for us to blame David Sheff but rather to thank him for writing such a wrenching and candid account of his son's struggles.

"Fortunately I have a son, my beautiful boy. Unfortunately he is a drug addict. Fortunately he is in recovery. Unfortunately he relapses. Fortunately he is in recovery again. Unfortunately he relapses. Fortunately he is in recovery again. Unfortunately he relapses. Fortunately he is not dead.” In Beautiful Boy, David Sheff recounts his son’s struggles with addiction. Nic’s drug of choice is Methamphetamine, well known for being one, if not the hardest drug to stay in recovery for. Sheff talks about his difficulty coping with his son’s addiction, rehab stays, and subsequent relapses. Sheff’s story is heartbreaking, and gut wrenching. He is very real about his emotions. From his shame of having an addict for a son to the happiness he feels from thinking about Nic before his addiction changed him. He speaks often about how he wants to feel hope that each trip to rehab will be the one that keeps him clean, but how it would be easier for him if he just gave up and save himself from the heart ache. I appreciate that Sheff does not hide his emotions, nor does he hide his own drug use when he was younger. While some may leave out this fact he is frank about it, even adding in that at one point Nic asked if he wanted to smoke Marijuana with him and he agreed desperate to have something that he could use to connect with his son. He laments a few times that he wishes that he never did. While Sheff did drugs when he was younger he was blindsided when he found out Nic was also doing them. He says that parents tend to ignore the signs of addiction in their children, hoping that it’s not true and he and his wife are no exception to this. He wishes that he could do more for his son. Nic is in and out of rehab. He worries constantly about his son’s well being. It is not just Nic who suffers, his family does as well. Sheff struggles with explaining Nics illness with his younger children, unsure of how much to tell them. This is something that I never thought about, how much do you tell small children when their older sibling has an addiction. I don't know if Sheff handled this correctly but it seemed okay to me to explain that he is ill, but try to keep them away from the effects that the drugs have on him. His choice to lie by omission must have been a difficult choice for him to make. Sheff’s honestly makes for a heartbreaking story. A great read, especially for those who know someone struggling with addiction. I am grateful for his ability to share his experiences without sounding disconnected and bland. I had fears of this but it did end up reading like the memoir it is. “Fortunately there is a beautiful boy. Unfortunately he has a terrible disease. Fortunately there is love and joy. Unfortunately there is pain and misery. Fortunately the story is not over."

Beautifully written book.

This is kind of a go-to book as far as addiction is concerned and so I'm sure I'll be lambasted by not heaping praise on it. The style of the author isn't exactly my taste, which counts for a lot. But his story was compelling and I really wanted to hear what he had to say. Honestly, I found a lot of the descriptions to be too much. He details what his children are wearing at the beach and what species of bird landed on what type of tree, etc. when all I really wanted to know is what happened to his addict son and how the family pulled through. I believe the flowery storytelling is because the author has a near death experience during the time of his writing and so the over-embellishment was a way to sort of write this as HIS memoir and an ode to all three of his children, and not just his addict son (although even that can get overwhelming; basically his son was the Best Son Ever and was a good student and good person and even the hippest guy and knew all the good bands before they got popular!). I get that and I can appreciate the sentiment, but for me it really slowed the story down. However, the "meat" of the story was good. Being a journalist, Sheff used his connections to meet with scientists and researchers to help find help for his son - unfortunately, there just isn't much help out there. After reading this story, I am scared to death of meth. Not that I would use it myself, but it's terrifying to think that it is OUT THERE and our kids and families have to deal with the pressures of trying it and possibly never getting away from it. Unlike alcohol or cocaine or even heroin, there is no protocol for treating meth addiction. The people who have the highest rates of sobriety are in prison - anyone "on the outside" virtually doesn't stand a chance. Obviously, it all depends on the individual, but even Sheff's son who was given so many "chances" -- including an amazing amount of financial support that most of us cannot offer (rehab costs about $30,000-$50,000 per month and meth rehab is recommended for a minimum of 12 months) -- his son still struggles and relapses. The author asks of himself many times how would someone with fewer financial means make this work? In truth, they don't. At the heart of the book is the self-blame that almost all families go through with an addict. The WHAT IFs that eat you alive and Sheff's story is unique but also exactly like most of us -- how do you go on? How can you NOT stop your life? How do you sleep at night knowing your child is out there, somewhere? Sheff's family seems to have found a good blend of Al Anon and therapy that works for them and he has offered a lot of resources at the end of the book on where families can go for help.

I share the same intense feelings about this book that other reviewers shared. Fortunately I had heard Mr Sheff on NPR before I read it so at least I knew that Nic was still alive. I felt every up and down of his journey and anguished with him and his family through Nic's relapses. I pray for Nic even though I'm not even traditionally religious. I just want him to know that we are out there pulling for him to have the kind of life he was meant to have. I like other readers have gone through a somewhat similar journey with my teenaged son. His nightmare was drug induced mania and psychosis, I believe caused by daily marijuanana use. Only I will ever know the details of what I went through with him for over three years until medication and sobriety brought him back to reality But I shared David's guilt and constant worry. I also had to endure the criticism of my ex-husband who believed that my approach to parenting brought this on. I also want to lend my reassurance to Mr Sheff that nothing he or his family did caused the drug addiction. Nothing. Nic is so very fortunate to have his family. He might not have made it. But I also admire David for the fine line he found between loving and enabling. He did the right thing. I read this book after reconnecting with a brilliant friend from college who told me that he had spent the better part of the last 20 years addicted to meth and I sincerely lamented the tragedy of his life. Although his addiction was not as fiendish or debilitating as Nic's seemed to be, it was still quite devastating and ended as so many of these stories do with a drug bust. I'm also helping a dear friend cope with the trauma of his son's bust for selling pills while undergoing his own rehab for alcohol. So the book hit home in so many ways. I do wonder and worry what lies ahead for our youth. There are such insidious and viscous dangers out there. Nic's story is a great reason to never ever even try drugs. Never even give that evil and selfish monkey a chance to crawl onto your back. Thank you to David and his family for sharing this very personal and yet all to universal story of modern drug addiction.

Storia molto toccante.Libro arrivato puntuale ed in perfette condizioni unica pecca che è in inglese

Le récit d'un voyage au bout de l'enfer pour un père et son fils qui ne peut pas vous laisser intact, une fois celui-ci achevé. Je vous le conseille grandement

Written by the father, this is a very confronting read about a son who became addicted to strong drugs at a fairly early age; his parents loved him through all the tough times and he tried very hard to wean himself off the drugs by various means, sometimes managing to stay clean for a couple of years however, in the end his father had to acknowledge his son was beyond help as he enjoyed the "highs" the drugs gave him. I was in awe of his father's patience and could well understand why, in the end he had just to stand back and love him regardless.

Escrita fluida, extremamente pessoal e sincera. Inglês acessível para quem já tá começando a ler obras no original. Adiciona-se ao fim do livro um posfácio interessante sobre o panorama da droga pelo mundo, exclusivo desta edição britânica, além de um capítulo inteiro (bem grandinho, por sinal) do Tweak, livro do Nic Sheff, contando sua versão da história. Leitura que complementa o filme... para as telas, não foi adaptado nem 50% do livro. Aqui, o pai tem muito mais a contar, vivenciar e dividir conosco sua angústia e culpa. "how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?"

Todo súper bien