How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back

I bought this book in 2004 but am writing my review in 2015. This book changed my life, and helped me find the man of my dreams, to whom I've been ecstatically married for 9 years (known him for 10). After going through a painful surprise divorce in 2001, following a 12 year lackluster marriage, I knew my "picking" abilities needed an overhaul, and this book helped me do that once I was ready to get back into the dating pool. I was in my early 40's at that time - a scary time to have to start over. Though the book is written from a Christian perspective, its main goal is to help you know yourself and truly get to know those that you date, whether you're religious/spiritual or not. I used this book thoroughly and daily, reading and re-reading questions and points in it before each time I went out in public and especially before and after a date. One of its revolutionary principles is to slow down and use dating for its true intentions -- to get to know each other and yourself, before being blinded by chemistry or prematurely committed to exclusivity. It asks you to really notice how you are as a person when you are with someone (Am I presenting only my ideal self? Am I not being real? Am I imagining he's someone he's not instead of seeing who is really there? Am I explaining away red flags in my mind?, etc.), and also notice whether the other person is doing these same things during the dating process. Using this book opened my eyes to the patterns of dating behaviors that had caused me to pick the wrong person the first time around. I realized I had a habit of idealizing people, and letting them idealize me, so in essence each of us was not actually coming into contact with the real "self" of the other person at all! Using this book, I was able to stay real, notice if others were staying real, and go slowly enough to wait for someone who was mature, healthy, and ready for an equal relationship. I grew myself up and dealt with my insecurities. I got better at seeing early on whether others would be a good fit, and stopped trying to compensate for incompatibilities that were deal-breakers. I accepted each person as they were, instead of thinking about how things would be great if he changed this or that, or I did. I listened to my real needs, instead of explaining them away or letting them go underground. I began looking for a relationship with true equality. I noticed how I communicated, and how my date did. I noticed how we each handled stressful situations and difficult conversations. I learned the art of saying, "It was great meeting you but I don't think we're a good match," something I found difficult to do as a woman, and something I had never said in the past. I learned to trust that the right guy was out there, and I didn't have to be too fearful to hold out for him. As a result of all this, in 2006 I married the love of my life, and after 10 years we still can't look at each other's eyes when we disagree, because we'll break out in silly grins and dissolve into mutual "I love you's." Of course no relationship is perfect, and we sometimes have disagreements, but we still feel like we're on our honeymoon, and it's a true, grown-up, passionate, healthy relationship in which I become my best self, and he becomes his best self, because we're with each other. We've jointly raised both our kids, and weathered some pretty stressful situations together, and we're now in our 50's. I have recommended this book to others probably 50 times at least. There are no guarantees in life, but this book contains real gems, practical steps to try, and an insightful roadmap toward healthy self-awareness. Highly recommend!

I'm so glad I got it! My sister insisted that I read it before I started dating again. Her reasoning was that I needed to approach dating in a way that was effective. And because I needed to date for experience & knowing myself & others better. In other words, to learn & grow, know better what I want & need, & be prepared for the right guy. It's an easy read & I feel excited about the experience, excited for growth. I don't feel so afraid for myself, that I'll make the wrong decision with the wrong guy. This is really helping me be prepared & have the right perspective.I love the author's other books, too. Like "Boundaries in Dating" & "Safe People." There are good audio book versions for these, too.

Great writer, as always. Highly recommend.

I first read this book almost two years and posted a glowing review for it. As time as passed, I met many women, lost one, and now got engaged, my view of this book has become more negative. My biggest issue of recent is that he tells people (mostly women) to play the field more. That's great. But he doesn't spend enough time talking about fear of commitment, which us men have issues with. I used his book to avoid commitment, and lost a lady I really liked. When I went back to this book two years later, I noticed I didn't even highlight or make any notes in that section. So I wish he had made a bigger deal of that issue, especially for men.I also think he should say something about long distance relationships, and that the only way to make them work is by face to face contact. Avoiding face to face because you are dating around is a terrible mistake. One has to get IN or OUT, but not in the middle. I also wish he had spent more time talking about breaking up.What follows is the rest of the review I wrote originally.When I first read this book, I thought it was more for women than men. As I read more, I enjoyed how he dug deep into the root of our own dating issues. Within the Christian dating, I observe many bad habits that people think are rooted in the Bible. For example, waiting on God, to which Cloud says, he hopes you like the UPS man. Instead he takes the position that you need to meet 5 people a week and then lays out many of the excuses people make, excuses that cover up our own issues. He further shows the reader how to evaluate these people. His underlying thesis is that dating is not about marriage, but about learning what you like and don't like, and dealing with your own issues before you get married.He has a chapter for males about reclaiming the testosterone. My only cristicism is that if you are a male, and you have those problems of being too passive and weak and "nice", you need more than this book. You need No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and Way of the Superior Man by David Deida too. And, as Cloud points out, if are male of female and have these issues, you need to get the very well written book he co-wrote with Dr. Townsend, Safe People.I recently read Jillian Straus's book, Unhooked Generation, where she inteviewed GenXers about their struggles with finding a mate, spent many chapters explaining why their strategies didn't work, and in the end, provided secrets of happy couples. She doesn't touch church or the Bible, yet she, through interviewing people, came to the same conclusions that Cloud did, meaning, don't judge to fast, talk to a lot of people, and just do it.I also had an issue with his chapter on unleashing your libido. The focus on that was that women should dress sexy, but not have sex. He didn't say a word about men. The church has been always insisted on "no sex before marriage." But what about the guys, who are too bonded to their mother? They claim celibacy, but in reality, fear commitment, are emotionally unavailable, and raging with toxic shame. John Bradshaw writes about it in his books, and a lot of guys in the church are like that. As a guy, I was always respectful to women and never even touched them -- needless to say, I could dropped because I couldn't show affection. Cloud doesn't mention this at all. As I said earlier, I think men who read this book need to make sure they have read the No More Mr. Nice Guy too, and worked on their fear of commitment issues.

I read the book description online and, because I have read several of Dr. Cloud's books already and trusted him so much, I bought three copies of this book. I read the book entirely, then gave a copy to three families. Each of these have more that one young adult who was having very little success in getting real dates, and/or dates worth having. I asked them to read the book to each other or use the book (one chapter at a time) as part of their daily family devotional. I am convinced this book will help all three families. I feel like a doctor passing out a cure for cancer!! Thank you!

This cool was amazing. Being a person that struggles with dating, I feel that this booked has given me the tools to do dating right. The examples of the stories allowed me to connect better with the book and to apply them to my life.If you struggle with dating, whether being the right person or finding the right person, this book is for you!

Dr. Henry Cloud is to the point, effective and deeply rooted in his mastering of the psychological theory as well as spirituality. This manifests in this book as well.It tells you what to do, how to stay detached from the result. After all, if you cannot truly enjoy the dating process, how would you expect to get a result from it?It also clarifies when you can start. 1) Being spiriutally strong and firm. 2) Chastity - not engaging in sexual act, not being exclusive in phase 1 and 2. 3) Resolve your own loneliness and weakness in your own spiritual community before going out dating.I found readers who rated this book low tent to ignore these important chapters.I appreciate Dr. Cloud went straight to the point, rather than laying out to the readers why he advised what he advised. But if you are familiar with psychology /spirituality you will see a lot of concepts manifested in the plan.Overall, I found it suitable for people at any age as long as you TRULY take ownership of your own situation!

Love that it is practical and based on the Lords teaching - The Bible.Doable but takes effort and discipline with loads of Prayer.

Super Buch, kann es bestens weiterempfehlen. Es macht richtig Spaß, sich auf neue Ideen & Gedankenanstöße zum Thema dating einzulassen. Vom Englisch her gut zu lesen.

Ce livre aborde des questions rarement traitées dans nos églises et donne des explications très claires sur la solitude, l'absence de rencontres, les schémas qui peuvent conduire certaines personnes à rencontrer toujours les même profils. Fort de ses 25 années d'expérience en tant que coach professionnel, Dr. Cloud nous livre ses observations et répond aux questions que l'on se pose tous mais dont l'expérience nous manque pour nous positionner avec conviction. Beaucoup de livres chrétiens abordent de réussir son mariage mais peu nous expliquent comment rencontrer ou comment se positionner pour avoir suffisamment de choix pour trouver celui ou celle qui nous fera vibrer toute la vie.Approche intéressante et novatrice, nos églises bien pensantes bienséantes ont probablement un peu de retard sur le sujet, il était temps d'aller écouter ce qui se disait outre-Atlantique.Je recommande à celles et ceux qui ont perdu courage ou qui pensent être trop vieux pour avoir le droit à trouver l'amour mais aussi aux jeunes qui se posent des questions et souhaitent bénéficier de l'expérience d'un senior.

Well what can I say it works. From having had NO dates in over 3 years to going on dates within 3 months of reading this book. YES you read right. Dating in 3 months (could have been sooner too if I had followed through - you can find that out when you begin to read!!)What this book really helps you do is open your mind to other options. At first you are a shy and feel like 'am I desperate for reading a book like this?' Not going around town or on social media sharing 'my current reading book status' -I mean look at the title?! Turns out to be a really solid and very helpful also quite challenging book, my personal love about it is how it challenges whatever misconceptions I had before reading it. My favourite line which I would ask anyone questioning or hesitating on picking this book up is 'How is that going for you?' Feels like a slap in your face that line does, so with that challenge there - what have you got to loose!!!Other reason I actually went ahead to pick up the book is because I have read the authors' other great books and know he is the real deal not trying to get gimmicky with single folks. Also reading his Boundaries series. Great read, highly recommend these too.Long story short - IT WORKS!! :)