Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom

I was very eager to read this book, inspired to bring mindfulness to interpersonal relationships and use dialog as a form of healing. At the root of buddhist practice is an attempt to create freedom and unconditional acceptance, and I am concerned about how effective some of the practices described really attain this...Upon reading it, I was somewhat surprised at many statements that implied subtle levels of judgment - and statements like these are woven throughout the book. These statements have some contradictory element in them that re-creates the dualism mindfulness is designed to surpass. There are many points of disappointment for me, but for now let me mention a just 2 for clarity and brevity:1.In regards to the "hunger to be" and wanting interpersonal recognition he says, when we don't receive this recognition that..."this is a taste of death, and it is horrifying, and we will do anything to avoid it."Upon reading this line, I had to wonder - "then what is buddhist practice itself?" - He of course discusses this point, but it makes the claim that "we will do anything to avoid it" untrue - since there ARE ways to lean into this in mindful ways. I would have liked some emphasis on what could contribute to a willingness to lean into it, instead of a broad generalization about human nature.This line is much better stated as: "when we believe we aren't recognized by others, it can be horrifying and this horror can sometimes contribute to an unwillingness to spend time to look at ourselves more directly."It is also my belief that social structures and cultural systems contribute to an individual's willingness to turn towards themselves or not (for instance buddhist cultures where mindful meditation is normal)... and since interpersonal healing is based on the capacity of social influence to support creating trust and mutual vulnerability, this is a crucial component to any interpersonal insight... which leads me to 2.2.Another bit of the book that was disappointing for me was that many people are using interpersonal mindfulness in ways that hit at the core of compassionate, connected, and beyond-story-level-interactions: for instance Daniel Siegel, and the NVC community.On page 47, Gregory says the following:"...the subject-object split happens instantaneously: we experience me and them. Then the deeply conditioned view of separateness and difference arises"What I was excited about was the possibility of a PRACTICE that itself was based on an interpersonal view of the individual itself (which is what Daniel, NVC, and Chogyam Trungpa emphasize). Instead what happens in insight dialog is actually based an a metaphysics of the individual (that an individual person has these hungers). "Insight" according to insight dialog is essentially realizing these hungers at work through dialogic mindfulness - yet I cannot imagine this produces much more than judgments and self-judgments about having "hungers" and then accepting these judgments - and then calling that mindfulness and compassion.Mindfulness is not about explaining behavior, whether it is psychoanalysis or buddhist metaphysics or buddhist psychology... Gregory: "As I grew up, wanting to be seen was a dominant theme in my life. This is why I sought praise for eating all of my soup or making my fourth-grade classroom laugh." My concern surrounds the phrase "this is why." Mindfulness is not about why...Mindfulness is simply the practice of noticing non-judgmentally. Yet Gregory's exposition brings everything back to buddhist psychology instead of mindfulness. What is missing in Gregory's work is the difference between wanting and attachment: "Every hunger creates tension" Confusion of wanting and attachment is likely to contribute to more suffering, not less: see Miki Kashtan's incredible article on this ([...])"The hunger for non-being generates greed when we pull toward us the distractions and addictions in which we hide"I am baffled as to how anyone who has this thought can possibly come into any compassion.Compare that with the following NVC style translation: "When we experience a sense of tension, anxiety, and fear, we may have so much desire for safety that it is difficult to access our need for care and consideration" - This thought opens my heart much more than Gregory's previous statement.Closing:My worry is that ideas like "the hunger for non-being...etc." are ideas that close our heart and lead us to analyze what others are doing instead of connecting with them in compassionate ways. I find it difficult to trust "thinkers" of compassion, and instead like to see the products of compassion and techniques to really cultivate it.As a result - I am left with a sense of deep disappointment in this book and see other thinkers and writers exploring ways that for me create a greater doorway to mindfulness and compassion. I therefore recommend the following:Daniel Siegel:]Miki Kasthan & NVC in general:[...]Chogyam Trungpa & Pema Chodron... More in alignment with compassion - Though, still for me these run into similar buddhist paradoxes of unintentional dualism through relying on certain metaphysical beliefs I do not share.So I am torn. The book does have valuable insights around dialog, and at the same time I am finding that the compassionate mindful nonjudgment that I am looking for is not in this book for me.I hope you found this review helpful, even if you don't entirely agree.Warmly,-Tom

This book is interesting and discusses a new meditation the author has developed while covering the Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Paths. I'm reading it on my own and also discussing it in my meditation group. Very nice!

Gregory Kramer, PhD, offers a teaching whose time has come, an important contribution for our individual and communal maturation, a teaching which can bring the contemplative dimension into all moments of life and all relationships. He shares means for communication and relationships to become tender and deeply nuanced - genuinely intimate. Through the relational practices Gregory offers, we cultivate wisdom and compassion in all lived experience; every facet of life becomes an opportunity for freedom and transformation. Read and practice these teachings one small step at a time, on your own or with others. The teaching will inspire and challenge mature practitioners and serve as a rich and timeless guide in life and relationship for those at all levels of experience.

Very helpful practices for bringing meditation and mindfulness into the real world. This book is on the technical side for non-Buddhists, but very true to proper teachings. It is worth the time to read it carefully. I attended a retreat (5 nights) on Insight Dialog this summer 2014. I can't say enough good about it. This is excellent, definitely for the benefit of all sentient beings.

The author, Gregory Kramer, obviously an experienced meditation instructor, gives life changing wisdom offered in a specific, elemental, and passionate way. The solitary practice of meditation moves to interpersonal relations in a variety of venues - where you can use it to expand your best self.

A wonderful work full of wisdom and profound insights. Not everyone will have the opportunity to be involved in insight dialogue groups and the book has great value even without that important experience. For me the book is to be read slowly and over and over agsin

A great book for exploring interpersonal relationships from a Buddhist point of view. You will find information in this book not found in most books on Buddhist practice through practicing with other Buddhist on a very personal level. Well worth investigating.

This is a really wonderful book that maps out bringing our spiritual practice into the ways in which we relate to others.

A beautifully written and presented book. I bought it for my Mindfulness Teacher Training course as it was part of the recommended reading list. and I'm loving it - it's so rich with wisdom and insight about relationships.

L'acquisto del testo di Kramer segue l'aver partecipato ad un ritiro di 8 giorni che l'autore ha condotto in italia nel 2014. Nel libro ho ritrovato la struttura che per approssimazione, necessariamente, può far intuire (forse) l'inesplicabile esperienza diretta. Questo libro mi è utile come lo sarebbero dei buoni appunti di richiamo di quella esperienza oltre al fissare sulla carta i fondamenti dai quali irradia poi tutto il """rationale""" del percorso indicato da Kramer. Tuttavia, partecipare ad un ritiro prendendo appunti non è cosa consigliabile e, dunque, va pur bene acquistare questo testo come ricordo e richiamo anche e soprattutto se, come me, vi siete messi in testa di praticare con gli altri guidando percorsi di riduzione dello stress basati sulla meditazione di consapevolezza quali MBSR e MBCT. Se poi un giorno comparisse una versione tradotta in italiano sarei molto contento (meno fatica).

Mir gefällt dieses Buch deshalb so gut weil es die Kommunikation unter Menschen revolutionieren könnte. Wie wir normalerweise Gespräche führen, welche Motivationen, Gefühle und Gedanken unbewusst präsent sind, wird hier in anschaulicher Weise dargestellt. Gregory Kramer bietet einen Weg der meditativen und achtsamen Gesprächsführung an, die sowohl die eigenen Prozesse im Dialog mit Anderen, als auch die Reaktionen und Erwartungen des Gesprächspartners berücksichtigt.Vielleicht kein Buch für einen Neuling auf diesem Gebiet, den die Erörterungen einzelner Themen sind teilweise relativ lang und wiederholen sich in der Aussage. Deshalb nur 4 Sterne.

Esposizione decisamente chiara, e ispirante. Offre una prospettiva relativamente 'innovativa' come punto di vista, ma l'autore sembra anche accuratamente avveduto e rispettoso dei valori Tradizionali.

This book is a wonderful introduction to this wonderful practice; it is clear and really opening a space of experiencing. I could use this book to setup Aiki Mindfulness practice in Belgium basing the verbal exercises directly on this book and adding movement to complete the practice.A must have for any person interested by mindfulness