The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant Paperback – June 1, 2000

Review of: The Kid, (What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to go get Pregnant) an adoption story by Dan SavageWriter/ Journalist, Dan Savage appears to be an adoptive parent who gets it. He’s written a book about his and his partner, Terry’s experience when they decided to adopt a baby in the 1990s.With great detail, humor, and compassion for their son, his birth mother and fellow adoptive parents, Savage explains the deeply thought out process of deciding to become parents. He describes how he and his partner felt while attending pre-parenting classes and meetings with the biological mom which their Portland, Oregon agency arranged.This book is important for all members of the adoption constellation because Savage offers his unique perspective as a future adoptive parent in the public eye due to his career plus also a member of the LGBTQ community. It is unique because there are few adoption-themed books available from this social group, although the vast majority of his experiences and attitudes while waiting are universal to many couples who are expecting a baby. The Kid is probably one of the funniest books you’ll ever read on this subject as well.This was a fun summer read because it was light and uplifting. However, Savage is the kind of person who masters humor to cope with and deflect his sincere feelings of compassion, love, care, and respect for the community of adoptive parents, social workers, his partner and especially their birth mother and son.

...for those of us who are modern/Millennial/Generation X/urbanite/blue-state/possibly heterosexual/open-minded families. A lot of the books that come up in adoption searches are treacly Chicken Soup for the Adoptee's Soul type stuff, or very Christian-oriented (as are many adoption agencies).I set out to read this because I've been a fan of Dan Savage's column for over 10 years and we were thinking about adoption, so I was looking for something not-so-treacly-or-Christian.I was rewarded by his typical honesty and acerbity, and also humanistic respect-with-a-dash-of-realism for the other people involved in the process, from his in-laws, to his son's birth mother, to the agency's workers.And though this generally labelled and categorized under "Gay and Lesbian Adoption," I thought for the most part the experiences were more applicable than not to every couple looking at open adoption. There are some passages that talk about the unique aspects of adopting as a gay couple (they never struggled with fertility; they thought they would never have the ability to get married; the way they were treated by some family members) and about some political and moral issues around discrimination against gay people, which I could see turning off someone conservative. Thankfully, due to the work of Dan and many other activists, most of these issues have become part of the national dialogue between the time the book was written and now--so to anyone who is reading it specifically for a memoir on open adoption, those passages are more tangential and mundane, than radical.In short, I recommend this to anyone who is considering open adoption, and looking for something respectful but fun to read about it. I don't recommend it to anyone who is homophobic or disrespectful of queer families.

Dan Savage and his partner decide to make the step to adopt a child together, and this book tracks the entire process in minute detail, and the feelings and ethical dilemmas that present themselves at each and every turn. (Should I tell my mother even though it's not certain yet? What should we name the child? How much contact should we allow the birth father? etc -- there are dozens explored in the book) At the same time, Savage doesn't lose his sense of humor, a rather sarcastic one at that (something that unfortunately a few readers/reviewers here missed).Yes, he does step up onto the soapbox a few times, but his preaching is always relevant to the stage of the process he's in. He usually explains how the entire process of adopting a child is quite a bit different for gay parents, in many ways that are not immediately obvious. And there are some social/legal inequities that are only fair to point out.In the end, though, it was a satisfying, honest account of this life-changing event in their lives. It was a quick, enjoyable read.It's true that an editor could have corrected some of the misspellings, and cleaned up the text from repititions, though. It doesn't really take away from the story, though.

I have never written a review. For anything. Ever. I am an over tipper (like Dan) and therefore, I don't review.That said. I adopted my son 9 years ago. After going through the same realization that Open Adoption is THE ONLY way (for me, oy). We had "interruptions" and more. We were that infertile couple in the room. And if I had read this book, before. Before infertility.... I would've known to stop sooner. Before adoption... I would've trusted myself as I did later and NOT turned away from maybe scary situations. But more than anything. I would have known. Really understood the birth mother perspective in a healthier way. I love our birthmother. But I was scared of her. I was. If I had read this book before our gorgeous boy was born... I would've done a better job honoring her.Thank you Dan and Terry! I sent our birthmother your book with my heartfelt thoughts. How lucky am I? I was "mall walking with her. She noticed my ring. I told her it was my engagement ring.... My husbands great grandmothers ring. I told her it would be her (our) sons. His birthright as the first born... To give to the woman he loved. I instantly corrected myself and said "to give to the person he loves". She stopped me. Her tiny body threw herself around me and said "I know you will love him whoever he is!"Sorry. This book. This book. My god this book.