Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics) Paperback – October 15, 2005

Another great book by an author who can help someone recover from shame

Ah. So It has a name. That feeling that follows us through years and years, that keeps eating at us and deteriorating our life. At first you double the efforts to keep on functioning and achieving ("put your back into it!"). Some achievements come with that. But you feel increasingly drained, fearful of disasters and failure (which can lead you smack into some of them btw), and just so gd tired. And weirdly empty, disconnected and phony even to yourself. Soooo.... bit by bit you keep on trying to quench that nagging dissatisfied thirst with... well, just plain more. More work. More "fun" (a world of problems here, none of them fun at all). More money. More shoes. And always thinking "when I get that new (i) car (ii) job (iii) promotion (iv) title (v) ring etc etc etc, I'll feel better. More serene and real. I'll find "my" place, where I "belong"".One therapist once told me that this sounded like "when I grow up...". I never forgot that.This book is important. To me, it was an absolute revelation.If you identify with anything I wrote above, check this book out. It brings an almost immediate feeling of relief. What happens after the first eureka moment is up to each one of us and our individual stories. But, as a group, it's like realizing your symptons are documented and part of a disease that afflicts a lot of people and not just you - and which CAN be treated; which has nothing to do with your real identity.And that place? Where we belong? It's right there inside each of us, patiently waiting for us to come back. I'm trying to find my own way back, and this book was the most precise and clearest "guide" I found so far. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm on my way. Using the right road and all. At the right pace.I do wish I had come across this before. But then again, time and place for everything, right?

Great book, a little hard to understand if you just read it fast, read it and understand what he's saying it will all make sense.

This is a classic but still very applicable to today. Bradshaw covers toxic shame in depth from how it starts to how it can affect the rest of your life. He gives some decent tips for recovery and changing your mindset- as your subconscious beliefs are going to dictate so much of your life. I like that he pushes a 12 step mindset that not only helps if you are in recovery for another problem- but can give a life framework for healing from shame. The book is thorough and covers just about every aspect of shame that you may want to learn about. While I don't agree with everything he teaches-he gets a little too esoteric for me towards the end- there is enough that you can take what works for you and leave the rest. I also wish he gave more real life examples as opposed to quoting so many other sources. Overall, the book is an easy read and informative. Happy to recommend.

I pick this book up because I discovered that I had been running from my self-esteem issues a good portion of my life. This was really an insightful and awesome book to read. It gave me a lot of insight into the emotion of shame and distinguishing between healthy and toxic shame. This book also broke down the timeline of both can develop in childhood how it can be reinforced during schooling years. Also, this book does an amazing job discussing the different cover ups for toxic shame such as perfectionism, partornizing, and people pleasing. The book also is very comprehensive in describing the healing process from toxic shame and how to recover from toxic shame.

Bradshaw's book is a fantastic one, second only to Alice Miller's book, "Prisoners of Childhood". When I realized that this was the same person who was on public television talking about healing the child within, I knew that I had to read this book. I could so relate to his stories about shame that the book made me want to cry. Anyone who is struggling with an addiction from alcohol, drugs, sex, food will be able to relate to this book. I am dealing now with a husband who is overly critical and I was searching for ways to deal with his difficult behaviours. I photocopied Bradshaw's seven tips for dealing with critical people. He states that these people are really shame based and deal with their own shame by shaming and judging others. This makes perfect sense to me. I used one of his strategies one time when my husband blew his top and started being negative and critical of me. I decided to use the "cofusing strategy" which involves using a word that you make up to throw your critic off the track and confuse them so they do not know how to respond. Instead of reacting in anger to his negative remarks, I replied calmly, " How perspicacious of you dear to understand me so well! He looked confounded and confused and then, with a defeated look on his face, he admitted, " You always use these big words that I don't understand." Ha, ha! I managed to avoid an argument because he didn't know whether he'd been complimented or insulted! It put me back in control!

Definitely would recommend this is a very good read and helps you understand things that you don't even understand that are happening to you. It definitely helps you better understand things. Someone that's going through a lot of stuff and has a lot of craziness going on someone I would definitely recommend this for a good read.

The first 25% or so of this book is good. In the middle, it gets so dense and heavy that it’s difficult to read, difficult to understand, and hard to want to keep reading it. I think the message is really good, but it seems written in a way that is geared towards academics instead of the average Joe.